Undergraduate / UIUC - Tennis is my life and my main sport. [6]

Prompt: In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.

My essay:
All this year in my life tennis was my main sport. The reason to this was by watching Roger Federer's elegance playing style, manner, sportsmanship, and the way he covers his facial expressions and emotions during the match. I learned many lessons by watching Federer's game such as concentration and endurance during our task. Federer does that so well, and I think that's the reason why he won so many matches in his career. But there was one thing that hindered me from becoming a better tennis player. I received the genetics from my father, which was being born as a flat feet. It was a difficult task to overcome the pain, since none of my friends on the tennis team were flat feet; therefore I wasn't a fast runner than anyone else or a better player. I was junior varsity captain during my sophomore year, but due to my flat feet, I couldn't acquire enough confidence to surpass from junior varsity to varsity.

An inspiring figure supported me to overcome the pain of being flat feet. His name was, Park Ji Sung a great South Korean soccer player currently in Manchester United. He's a flat footed soccer player who represents South Korea in the Premier League. As I was surfing through the internet I somehow saw "Park Ji Sung, a great player from Manchester United scored first goal." As I was reading the article, I saw a picture of his ugly and wounds covered feet. I shed in tears by seeing the picture because I was touched for not being alone as a flat feet, and he showed me the path of exceeding my confidence. My two idols gave me strength and endurance to become varsity captain during my junior year. Flat feet are a reliable gift to me.

I require harsh comments to improve my essay^^

Undergraduate / "How will I succeed and survive in such harsh society?" - Rutgers environment [4]

Prompt-
Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. Maximum 3800 characters including spaces.

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Once in awhile I question to myself "How will I succeed and survive in such harsh society?" With my life experience and my overall grade, am I considered a failure in life, or an ordinary student who still has a second opportunity? Surely Rutgers reply will answer my question.

My mom brought me to America from Poland in hopes to find opportunities to improve our lives. Since many people say "United States of America is a land of opportunity." Poland wasn't even my homeland country. I was moved to Poland from South Korea when I was seven years old due to my mother's personal reasons. As an Asian it was terrifying and difficult to live in such awkward and inconvenient country filled with white people. I recall having a hard time adjusting in elementary school. I had no friends to talk with my native language. Kids started glaring at me just because I had a different texture of skin quality and they also started thrusting one's finger into my face. After the incident, I was depressed with loss of confidence to myself. Living in Poland didn't feel like reality, and I was hoping it was a dream.

I lived in Poland for thirteen years. I've learned how to speak Polish in school and Korean through my mom's instructive lessons. My grades were fairly good during my elementary school years. Being accustomed in Poland culture helped me unable to recall my past first experience in elementary school. Beginning of my 7th grade was a disaster. Overhearing my mom's conversation with my uncle was a mistake. I overheard my mom saying "I decided to move to the United States" and my response to that statement was "WTH? Why would we leave when I've finally adjusted to Poland culture, language, and friends?" My body was shivering in fear recalling my first experience in elementary school.

Two months later I headed to United States. My thoughts about United States were "U.S. must be a country with abounding opportunities with vast and heterogeneous population." And my thought was right. Unlike middle school in Poland, middle school in the United States offered many opportunities to small steps of becoming successful in later life. But something was mutual with my first experience in elementary school. I recall lacking friendship and communication in English and few kids glaring at me because their skin texture was different as mine. Acquiring stress left me no choice but to put aside studying from my mind hence the result of my GPA has shown.

Through my life experience I've came into a conclusion. It wasn't my mom's guilt or purposes that lead me to 82 GPA. I regretted for not studying hard enough. But regretting was a foolish mistake. What is there to regret? Time has passed already. It's time for a new start!

This is my first Draft! Please comment about how to fix my essay.
I have about a week and 3 days before the deadline!