Undergraduate / Essay about: neuroscience, what makes you stand out? (UB Prompt) [2]

Great essay!

Except:

"One day, as I reached in front of the library, a group of slightly older boys (about 3 maybe) walked up to me and jumped me for no given reason."

I suggest you omit "(about 3 maybe)" A "group" of slightly older boys is enough to illustrate a picture. Also, replace "jumped" to "attacked"

Good luck! :)

Book Reports / Help and tips on Writing A Monologue on "Testimony From To Kill A Mockingbird" [6]

Is there a given prompt? That would help clarify your question.

Undergraduate / Peanut Butter sandwich (UC Prompt #1) [4]

I really liked your essay, especially the metaphor with peanut butter sandwiches. Who woulda thought?!

Anyway, the only thing I suggest of your personal statement is a smoother transition from "trying new foods" to "joining choir" to "personal growth". I understood the connections of these subjects but it'd be nice if you guided the reader along, rather than switching topics without transition.

Good luck with your applications! :)

Undergraduate / Influenced by drugs and now I'm applying to a UC [5]

Your personal statement was really good. Except you did not answer how the impact led to your dreams and aspirations. What are your goals now that you've overcome this phase? Answer that, and you should be good to go with this personal statement.

"[...] he also made me realize that the decisions I made then were going to permanently effect me in the future.." Also, change "effect" to "affect".

Good luck!!! :)

Undergraduate / "a recipe for success" - Why Duke? [7]

Your essay is very well-written; however, I feel as though you are expressing "wants" too much rather than explaining in full detail as to "why" you feel this way. Besides valuing education and social interactions, what else is there that makes Duke so special. For example, what programs are you especially interested in? (That's usually the case. Explain in full detail.) Don't just talk about the universities' obvious aspects. I suggest you pick a more specific quality about the school in which you can express more on. Notice that the prompt mentions "College Arts and Sciences," perhaps you should talk about that? It also does say "particular". If I were an applicant reader, I would already know you didn't do enough research on the school.

You can basically change a few words around in this essay and it would work just as great for another school. For example, Duke to UCLA; blues and white to blue and gold. What I'm trying to say is that this essay is a bit too generic. You should fix it up a little more.

"...I am perfectly happy limiting the next four years of my life at Duke University."
Remember you are applying the university. You are not an actual student. Perhaps "will" would be a better substitute. Limiting sounds a little quizzical; replace the word with "spending".