Undergraduate / How my scuba class helped shape my character- UW prompt [NEW]

Hi,
So here are the instructions that I had to follow,
"Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it."

I was wondering if you guys would proofread my essay. Thank you in advance :)

When I turned fourteen my life changed forever. I was no longer one of the many people who spent their whole lives on land. No, I was different; I was a certified scuba diver. Receiving my certification granted me the ability to join the rank of my idols, Jacques Cousteau and Mike Nelson. Instead of spending my time watching them on television I was able to go out and witness in person the amazing creatures and landscapes that they constantly explored. Learning how to dive was one of the best experiences of my life, and I believe it helped shape my character.

My open water scuba class was a very interesting experience. I was not only the youngest student, but I was also only one of two females in the whole class. What made this class more difficult was the fact that our instructor was more comfortable instructing active duty military personnel then the mismatched bunch of retirees and civilian group that we made up. Adding all of these elements together resulted in a lot of pressure directed not only at the whole class, but more specifically on me. Being the youngest and also a female diver, my instructor constantly called me out to perform our new pool skills first. My instructor expected me to perform these skills correctly, but in both of our minds I knew that the expectations were higher, it had to be perfect.

While the mentality in our pool drill sessions was to get everything precise, the same could also be said for our in class portions. Wanting to impress our instructor I made sure to check my homework twice, making sure it was neat and turned in on time. Two weeks had passed since the class started and it was now time for our final exam. Our teacher gave us an hour to prepare before the exam. Finding it useful to quiz myself I started helping the other female in the class. She was having problems with the dive profile portion of our review so in exchange for her help quizzing me I taught her how to determine a proper dive profile. After we took the exams and they were graded we found that our teamwork had helped us, for we had gotten the highest scores in the class.

After our exam it was time for our first real dives out of the pool. Taking our time to gear up we listened to our instructor. Once in the water we would be called over to descend and do our skills in front of our instructor one at a time. While waiting I noticed that my female friend was starting to look nervous, we chatted a bit before I found out that she was nervous when it came to taking her mask off underwater. To get her more comfortable with the cold water I had her take her mask off and stick her face in the water with just a snorkel. Eventually she adjusted to the cold temperature and was able to stick her face in the water without fear. It was then time for me to descend and perform my new skills.

In the end everyone passed and was certified. Yet it was amazing for me to realize that I would have never have been in this position if it was not for my curiosity about the world underneath the waves. Since my certification I continued to dive and help out new divers when I got the chance. I gradually ascended the ranks of scuba divers by completing my advanced openwater, rescue, and finally my master diver course. No matter how many certifications I get I know that this will always be the certification that defines me, for it helped develop the person that I am now.