Undergraduate / Watching ballet concerts, Extracurricular activity - University of Illinois [2]

In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.

Thank you very much. I'll be grateful to you if you will help to me to make my essay better.

Everyone loves watching ballet concerts. Everyone takes pleasure from watching beautiful, slim girls dancing in the amazing concert halls. However, not everyone knows what kind of hard work is hiding beyond these elegant figures. I have been dancing for ten years. The first my entrance to choreographic club was made by my mother's effort. She was afraid of the possibility that I will not grow, because for that moment I was very little and tenuous girl not satisfying to my age. I will never forget the day when I saw a young lady, leading dancer of this club, preparing for the future concert. It was the most gracious national dance I have seen before. Every night I thank God for giving me such opportunity to demonstrate my abilities from other side and asked him to help me to be the best dancer. Choreographic club seemed me unusual and indescribably beautiful. The right place where your precious dreams come true. Rhythm of music which was painted with the fingers of our pianist carried me away to other splendid surroundings. Every step, every plié, every shane worked wonders to me. Dance lessons have become my favorite hobby, wish to be there forced me to prepare my dance shoes one day before since without shoes one cannot dance. Firstly, it was very difficult to me to get accustomed in that sphere. I came to home very tired with painful corns on my legs. Nevertheless, I had promised myself that in one day I will dance like that gracious lady whom I admired most. In my opinion, only this hope challenged me to work harder.

Dancers give years of diligent work to one performance, for only five minutes of opportunity to show all of your labor to the audience. I can definitely say that dance taught me for patient, for willpower and for qualities of winner. Who knew? That shy and physically weak girl can turn into ambitious, spiritually strong young lady with number of flamboyant dances and nominations behind herself.

Undergraduate / "the idea of being famous scientist" - academic interests and/or professional goals [4]

Hello! Can you help me to make my essay better. I think that something is wrong, but I don't know what=( .
"I made my decision! I know my goal! I will achieve everything I want!"These three sentences can be seen to one group of people meaningless, basic and grammatically weak. But for others, for example to me, they are words which can lead one's life with big confidence to promising future.

For the last twelve years I have been inspired by the idea of being famous scientist. My scientific career has begun at the seventh grade when I came to my first chemistry lesson. I was excited by interesting phenomena of this science. For instance, the soap which is used in daily life to clean our hands from fats is made up of glycogen fats or the air we are breathing, which is considered as oxygen, contains only 20% of oxygen. These unique facts started me to get strongly interested in chemistry. I spent 15 hours a day in the laboratory studying structures of matters, doing experiments, and solving challenging problems. Furthermore, I have attended and succeed in a lot of chemical Olympiads which were hold among Kazakhstan students who were engaged in chemistry as I am. However, the factor which affected exactly to choose my objective career was in the biology science club, when I have been absorbed in chemical processes in different biomolecules. My teacher who has seen my curiosity in this aspect of science advised me to choose biochemistry as a major in your institution. I am certain that I will study biochemistry with the great desire; not only it is a chemistry of living organisms, but it has not been fully developed in our country as well. I know that I will contribute my deep knowledge taken with big diligence to my native country with the maximum amount of work. I cannot imagine more exciting or fulfilling goal.

In conclusion, I want to say that I made decision! I know my goal! And I feel undergraduate study in the University of Illinois will be the most logical extension of my academic pursuits and a major step towards achieving my professional goals.