Matrix_Star
Dec 21, 2010
Undergraduate / "Chinese eat dogs"- a cultural conflict I enoutered, Common App [14]
Chinese too. Agree with Rena. The essay's opening statement is excellent but the point is a little bit normal.
Some advices here, I'm also a 2015er and just finished my personal statement last month so plz not seen these as professional advices:) :
Firstly, Maybe you can think more about yourself. Write something that is unique and can only happened on you . Because I can not see your clear characteristics.
Also, Reflection is important in an essay but only reflection will not make an essay perfect. I mean the third paragraph makes the change too fast and do not have enough transition. It seems like all the issues and problems you faced quickly solved because of your own reflection of this conflict. It means that your example in paragraph 3 is not so convincing.
PS. Are you talking about the hotpot in Chongqing or something? maybe 狗肉火锅? I think most Chinese in other cities do not perfer to try this...
Chinese too. Agree with Rena. The essay's opening statement is excellent but the point is a little bit normal.
Some advices here, I'm also a 2015er and just finished my personal statement last month so plz not seen these as professional advices:) :
Firstly, Maybe you can think more about yourself. Write something that is unique and can only happened on you . Because I can not see your clear characteristics.
Also, Reflection is important in an essay but only reflection will not make an essay perfect. I mean the third paragraph makes the change too fast and do not have enough transition. It seems like all the issues and problems you faced quickly solved because of your own reflection of this conflict. It means that your example in paragraph 3 is not so convincing.
PS. Are you talking about the hotpot in Chongqing or something? maybe 狗肉火锅? I think most Chinese in other cities do not perfer to try this...