Undergraduate / "I have discovered my passion for dance" - FAMU 2 [5]

This is the second short essay for FAMU... I need tough criticism please and thank you! 250 words!

Describe an activity, interest, experience in your life that has been particularly meaningful to you:

It was ten years ago when I first discovered my passion for dance. There are times when I get kicked and bruised and I feel like quitting, but my love for dance pull me back. Dance takes a lot of heart and dedication. There are so many obstacles I go through to obtain a certain skill level in dance. The ability to be flexible is a mind over matter. When I focus and let my mind take over, I become very successful and my flexibility becomes effortless. When I am dancing, I'm not the same person as I am inside the classroom because when I dance, I feel like I can truly express who I am. It was an honor to receive the accolade of captain of my dance team, the role of a leader has changed my life in many aspects. I've met many friends, encouraged a lot of my teammates and improved my skills all because of my commitment to dance. Although dancing is not my prospective major, it's still meaningful to me. It has taught me many lessons in life that I know I will be able to use in the future. Dance has taught me that if you have enough passion for something, it doesn't matter how hard it is or what your limitations are. Dance has shown me the beauty of humility and has helped me develop a capacity for awareness. I know when I'm stressed, I can always blast my radio and dance!

Undergraduate / FAMU: How has your family, culture, or environment influenced who you are? [3]

This is my rough draft to my college entrance essay for FAMU! I need serious criticism please! Help me! 250 Words

Q: How has your family history, culture, or environment influenced who you are?

From the day I was born, my family environment has influenced me. From my mannerism to the way I interact with others. When people meet my family, they instantly understand why I am the way I am: appearance, sense of humor, and my personality. My mother has four children and my father has six children and we're all totally different. My parents allowed each of us to be ourselves. I live up to the quote, "If opportunity doesn't knock build a door". My family history provides me with confidence to succeed. Being the first on my father side to graduate from high school and the first out of my entire family to go to college is the greatest feeling in the world but comes with a lot of pressure. My mother and father never completed high school so I watch them both struggle today; low paying jobs and living from check to check. The past few years of my life has truly changed. My faith is stronger and I am much more confident. I may not be the brightest or straight "A" student people expect me to be, but everything I do, I always persevere. My family's culture has given me the confidence to overcome every obstacle that has been presented to me. Being a black African-American student has it's ups and downs but some how I always seem to make it through with the faith of God. I believe it is a persons culture who define who they are.

Thank You!
KeNiesha Coleman
High School Senior!