Posts by haeunchang

haeunchang

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "long hours of practicing for the concerto competition" - Princeton Two Summers [6]

Here's the revised essay.

The intense rehearsal schedule, sweltering heat, incredible masterclasses and, most importantly, the amazing music, made for a week of many memories and many friendships

I'm looking for a more powerful way to describe just how much I got from the experience and how it affected me. I already used "best experience of my life" and that doesn't really cut it...I tried to use "...all culminated in a full house concert and a standing ovation - I'll never forget it for as long as I live." but it sounds corny and doesn't meet my standard haha.

Also, your suggestion of trying to expand on how it affected me...should I try talking about my concerto competition more or my music camp? I feel like I'm walking a fine line between explaining and over explaining my musical interest in my entire application haha

haeunchang

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / Why Columbia? wide scope of human mind [4]

It does sound pretty generic...talking about the psychology program was good, but the list felt too long and i lost interest after cognition. I would try instead talking about why you are passionate about psychology, and put some emotion into it. Why do you want to go to columbia? Make them feel like you mean it.

Talking about class sizes..I wouldn't recommend. The class sizes at Harvard/Yale/etcetc are also small. And you could say the same for psychology departments as well, but if you talked about how specifically Columbia is different from other schools it woudl have more impact.

Otherwise, it was well written. Can't complain about that haha

ah, also, the last sentence pops out of nowhere talking about psychology again. I would either take it out or edit it to connect better with your previous statement

haeunchang

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "long hours of practicing for the concerto competition" - Princeton Two Summers [6]

Thank you very much! I know that my essay is very bare bones and factual, but is it very dry? And I will try to make the sentences a little simpler...me and concise have problems.

Also, I see that you applied to SNU! I, too, am planning on applying there for Fall 2011!

haeunchang

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "The Free Will; an answer to this dilemma" . Brown Supplement [8]

While it's all good and well, the flow, I think needs to be a little more flowy haha. Instead of using such harsh transitions "My first/second set of reasons" (and by the way, I wouldn't use "set" anyways, because it's really just one reason...) try naturally connecting the end of one idea to another.

I also recommend taking out the Morpheus part...it seems a little trite, to me. Not really adding much to your essay, especially as you already have a quote that you're supposed to base your essay off of.

I also agree that your essay has quite abrupt subject changes. I'm not sure if it's just because I'm tired, but the way you're explaining your essay doesn't really make sense. It feels like a lot of smart words put together that should make sense, but...it doesn't. But again, I'm tired. lol

Hope this helps!

haeunchang

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / academics and a rich culture + diverse community - Stanford [7]

There are strengths and weaknesses to both your essays. I would recommend taking the best parts of each and combining both. Now, I have a couple of issues with both.

First, your sentenve structure is very similiar in that its not very complex. I would combine some sentences or add in better descriptive words to make it sound a little more sophisticated because, let's face it, it's Stanford :P

Second, your opening to both essays are fairly weak

"Stanford provides a diverse community, a splendid academic reputation, and smart choice of location."

and

"Stanford provides a diverse community , an impressive academic reputation and a great location."

are the same thing, with different adjectives :P It sounds rather like a textbook essay from a school paper. I like it because of one, two and three. This is why I like one, two and three. Restate topic sentence. Done. I would try to incorporate either a descriptive hook, if you can, or pick one quality of Stanford you especially like and talk about that and use that to lead into the other qualities.

Hope this helps!

haeunchang

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "long hours of practicing for the concerto competition" - Princeton Two Summers [6]

This is something I wrote very quickly. I know that others have written beautiful prose and creative works of literary art for this prompt, but I went for the more straightforward, list approach with intermittent displays (hopefully) of my personality to not make it totally boring and dry :P

It is just over 2000 characters, and I'm wondering if I should make more sue of the almost500 character I have left, or if I should just leave it as is and keep it concise.

I would very much appreciate any help! I would love to look at anyone else's essays as well.

Thanks!

Here it is:

Prompt: Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held, if not already detailed on the Common Application. (max 2500 char)

The summer of my junior year was mostly spent on long hours of practicing for the concerto competition I would be participating in the fall, as well as preparing for my youth symphony audition. When I was not holed up in my room massaging tired arms or about to throw my metronome against the wall, I was teaching piano and violin to my precious students, which I always looked forward to as a break from my own musical endeavors. My students quickly became the source of my envy, as some would inform me that they would be taking a break from lessons for a few weeks to take a family trip to some exciting new place. A week at a church retreat, Students for Christ, broke up the simple yet exhausting schedule I had set up for myself, providing an opportunity for me to refocus and re-center my life from the day to day, one foot in front of the other kind of existence I had made of my summer thus far. This week-long experience was a haven in the middle of my frantic calendar checking and countdown of the days remaining until my big competition and was definitely the highlight of my summer.

The summer of '10 was another story. While the first half of my summer was quite similar to the year before, it was in the middle of July that I had the best musical experience of my life. I had made the decision earlier in the year to participate in the Evergreen Music Festival, a music camp that my youth symphony organized every summer. The intense rehearsal schedule, sweltering heat, incredible masterclasses and, most importantly, the amazing music, made for a week of many memories and many friendships. After EMF, I went to my annual church retreat once more, where I slowed my life down once more for Christ. In the end, I came home after two weeks of living in a dormitory with an almost pathological desire for rice and a renewed love for my own bed. During the rest of my summer, I played a few gigs in a string quartet, ate crème brulée for the first time, and went to the beach with my mom and three siblings, making daisy chains for my sister and teaching my brother how to skip rocks.