Posts by turtleboxman

turtleboxman

Dec 30, 2010

Undergraduate / Campus, International Relations + Urban area life + Viktor Klemperer-0 NYU supplement [3]

These are all good!

Except, for the last one you should write what you have in common with him, or share with him.

turtleboxman

Dec 30, 2010

Undergraduate / "yes we can" - UVA FAV WORD-YES [6]

This essay is truly amazing!

But i agree with what plittplatt said

and the only other thing is maybe you could give a specific example of how the word yes effected you? Im not sure, try and play around with it and see how it works. if not, leave it the way it is and just work with wat plittplatt said

turtleboxman

Dec 30, 2010

Undergraduate / "My academic interests in engineering and my friend" - Lehigh Admissions [5]

This is pretty good.

Just a few opinions:

"To balance my learning experience at Lehigh, I would like to assist with the South Bethlehem Neighborhood Center. I currently enjoy tutoring the freshmen math class at my school and I believe in helping others and contributing to my community. I believe everyone is entitled to a good education and given the tools to do well, anyone can succeed."

I think you should further explain what South Bethlehem Neighborhood Center is.

And somehow try to connect these sentences to make it flow better if possible.

turtleboxman

Dec 29, 2010

Undergraduate / "Rorschach, from the graphic novel Watchmen" - NYU Supplement [11]

Thank you for the help. With the 500 letter limit, it was difficult to incorporate these things, but this is wat i have.

I would bring Rorschach, from the graphic novel Watchmen, with me to Times Square. From flawless buildings to stunning city lights, Times Square is easily my favorite site. We would sit on the public ruby red stairs in the center of Times Square and discuss ways to improve the city, our home. Since Rorschach shows that one does not need super powers to be a superhero, together we would develop realistic ideas for our common goal: to mitigate the crime and corruption present in our society.

turtleboxman

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "Rorschach, from the graphic novel Watchmen" - NYU Supplement [11]

There arent any bolding, italicizing, or underlining options.
the most i can do is quotes, so should I do that?

turtleboxman

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "Rorschach, from the graphic novel Watchmen" - NYU Supplement [11]

How do I underline Watchmen on the common app? I dont see the option

turtleboxman

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "Rorschach, from the graphic novel Watchmen" - NYU Supplement [11]

Hello, the supplement topic is:

If you had the opportunity to bring any person -- past or present, fictional or nonfictional -- to a place that is special to you (your hometown or country, a favorite location, etc), who would you bring and why? Tell us what you would share with that person.

Here is what I wrote:

I would bring Rorschach, from the graphic novel Watchmen, to Time Square, the location that I feel represents New York City and the hometown of Rorschach. We would sit on the ruby red stairs together and discuss our common goal and desire to mitigate the crime and corruption present in the city. Rorschach shows that one does not need special powers or radio-active spiders to be a super hero. He inspires me with the notion that dedication and will power is all that one needs to help a cause.

Is this good? should I change anything? Grammar? Sentence structure? Thank you!

turtleboxman

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "to be part of Key Club" - on Extra Curricular activities [8]

Thank you guys,

how does this sound?

My experience in Key Club has given me the opportunity to volunteer and participate in various activities while developing social skills at the same time. We developed ideas for fund-raising, such as Ice-Skating for a charity organization at Battery Park City. Attending more meetings strengthened my desire to be more involved. I ran and was elected for the staff position of Web Master and designed the current LaGuardia Key Club Website. With fellow staff members, I was able to plan ideas for community service, such as volunteering at hospitals and cleaning up beaches. We even advocated and volunteered for significant events, such as the AIDS walk and the Breast Cancer Walk. Through the three-day Leadership Training Conference in Monticello, I was able to make friendships with Key Clubbers beyond the City, re-ignite bonds with old friends, and develop stronger leadership skills that I even apply outside of Key Club.

turtleboxman

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "to be part of Key Club" - on Extra Curricular activities [8]

Thanks, ill try but its hard to expand with only 150 words maximum >_<

turtleboxman

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "to be part of Key Club" - on Extra Curricular activities [8]

Hello, so the topic I have to write about from the common app is:
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

This is my response

Choosing to be part of Key Club changed my life in multiple ways. Beginning as a regular member, I was able to connect with other students while planning fund-raising ideas at the same time. As I attended more meetings, I had the desire to be more involved. As a student experienced in web design, I chose to run for a staff position of Web Master. After being elected based off of my skill, my opportunities to contribute my creativity and leadership skills increased. Along with other staff members, I was able to plan more ideas for community service, such as volunteering at hospitals and cleaning up beaches. Through the three-day Leadership Training Conference in Monticello, I was able to make friendships with Key Clubbers beyond New York City as well as re-ignite bonds with old middle school friends that joined the club from their own respective high schools.

Should I fix or change anything? Please help! Thank you!