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Posts by notexactly
Joined: Dec 28, 2010
Last Post: Dec 28, 2010
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notexactly   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "Northwestern stood out of hundreds" - Why Northwestern essay! [4]

I've stayed up way too late writing so I'm too tired to meaningfully critique the overall flow/style, and I know almost nothing about Northwestern. However, I can make a few grammar corrections:

- "I take greatest interest in the Department of Civil and Mechanical Engineering which I was delighted to learn allows undergraduate students to participate in research." Maybe this would be better as two sentences: "...Department of Civil and Mechanical Engineering. I was delighted to learn that it allows..."

- "With a striking position right next to Lake Michigan I was taken aback by the campus's great beauty."
- "I being an international student..." could be changed to: "As an international student, I..."
- "...students from all over the world, who bring their own cultures..."
- "...science fairs ..."
- "I wish to ... attempt to take part in sport activities" Consider removing the word attempt. Saying you want to take part is stronger than saying you want to attempt to take part. Be optimistic!
notexactly   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "great for studying math and science" - Why Harvey Mudd essay [4]

1. A piece of advice for any of these essays: don't tell them things they already know. You said "Harvey Mudd has a one of a kind Honors program." and "Harvey Mudd has a diverse student body." They already know; they work there.

2. "I was very pleased to see that Harvey Mudd allows undergraduate students to participate in research work along with graduate students and professors." What graduate students? HMC is undergrad-only. Make sure you get the facts right.

3. At the top you said "I am not sure if my essay is technical enough!" Don't worry, they're not usually looking for technical essays. They want to see that you can write well and that you actually want to go there.

P.S. I just realized a few hours ago that they ask for this essay, so I just started writing mine! I didn't copy yours, of course, but it calmed me a little to see what someone else had written.
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