liloyang
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "Camp and Death" - Summer Essay for Princeton [7]
I was one of the ten counselors at the temple's annual summer camp for kids.
I like your essay maybe because I have some similar experience. And I agree with the thedarktiger's editings.
For the ending, it is a little too bold and seems incomplete, try to indicate what you have learned from the experience, and try making a clear connection between the two events.Since you have the word limit, maybe cut off some of the details in the second paragraph as well.
Thx for editing my essay =)
I was one of the ten counselors at the temple's annual summer camp for kids.
I like your essay maybe because I have some similar experience. And I agree with the thedarktiger's editings.
For the ending, it is a little too bold and seems incomplete, try to indicate what you have learned from the experience, and try making a clear connection between the two events.Since you have the word limit, maybe cut off some of the details in the second paragraph as well.
Thx for editing my essay =)