Posts by faith91

faith91

Jan 29, 2011

Undergraduate / How Can I start the Opening essay about extracurricular activities? [8]

Hi everyone,
I have to write an essay about: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

Okay, I am going to write about my volunteering in tutoring Chem, Bio, & Math, at my community college.
I want to show that I want to help my community...ect.

HOW SHOULD I START MY ESSAY? what should be my first sentence?!!
Please give me ideas on what to write!

I appreciate your help!

Thank you,

faith91

Jan 29, 2011

Undergraduate / Got rejected by UMD; TRANSFER to U Maryland College Park-Civil Eng [5]

" I began to wonder about my future career. I began to gaze at the ceiling. I only wanted to become one thing a engineer,"

When I read the first sentence, I thought you didn't know what you want to be, then all the sudden you are so decided that you want to be an engineer! I would work on this sentence.

I like your essay format, but Two things you need to work on
First: Your vocabulary, some words are repeated
Second: your reasoning for transferring are too short. Expand them a little
explain them more.
I think I have the same problem with mine. but i don't know how to fix it
Please read mine and let me know what you think!!!

Best of luck,