Undergraduate / Education and my parents - Ucf admissions essay [2]

Prompt "how has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

I know I need to expand my closing paragraph so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Please feel free to be brutally honest in any corrections you make!

A person is influenced by numerous forces in out society. Our world history is full of admirable heroes but also despicable villains. One's family, with its history, culture, and environment molds him into the adult that he is. Although family history and culture play a large role in the development of ones character, the environment that I grew up in was paramount in forming me.

Education has always been an important part of my environment. My parents constantly pushed me to excel in all aspects of my life, and my education was no exception. Opting to homeschool me, my parents were able to focus on providing a broad education. Our week not only included daily academic studies, but also piano lessons, religious studies, and sports. I was taught Spanish from my mother and German from a tutor. Homeschooling, in addition to providing me with an excellent education, has given me confidence to excel in life. I am in everlasting debt to my wonderful parents who are the driving force behind my education, and are great influence in my life.

My parent influence in my academics is personified through me everyday; however, my loving sisters are responsible for my outgoing personality. Being homeschooled, I spent fifteen years of my life in close contact with my sisters. As I matured, my sisters took responsibility of ensuring that I became a gentleman. They constantly bombarded me with suggestions about how to treat my future girlfriends, and other instances where I was required to be a gentleman. The love my sisters showed me, and the close contact we shared for many years, influenced me into becoming kind and outgoing.

The environment my family created through their never ending love and support has been extremely important in sculpting me into the young adult I am today. I hope to influence others during my enrollment at the University of Central Florida and absorb all the qualities that environment has to offer.

Undergraduate / "... everyone was proud to be a Golden Knight" - UCf admissions essay [NEW]

Why did you choose to apply to UCF?

Every year thousands of students arrive at the same question, "Where do I want to attend college?" It is a question that haunts all students during their senior year. Fortunately, I have never been worried over this important decision. I have known the answer ever since I visited the campus of UCF. My best friend is a current student at UCF, and I was fortunate enough to be able to stay a weekend with him on campus. During my stay, I was introduced to many students; I soon realized that UCF students were different than the students at other universities I had visited. All of them took great pride in their college, whether it was the academics or athletics. Everyone was proud to be a Golden Knight.

The division 1 athletics and large array of intramural sports clubs also entice me to become a fellow Knight. I want to share the pride that I experienced during my visit and wear the black and gold. I would take great pride in cheering on the Knights to victory as I attend as many home games as my academic schedule allows. I lead an athletic lifestyle and love to play many different sports, particularly tennis. I feel confident that UCF has the resources to help me pursue my athletics and academic goals.

My visit to UCF cast away any doubts I had on which college to attend. UCF sets the foundation for its students to be successful in any career they pursue. Located within Orlando, UCF has business connections and internships that no other school can offer to its students. UCF students excel in all vocations, and the relationships I will form as a student will be priceless. The business opportunities to launch a successful career and the future relations which are needed to maintain it are all available to a UCF student. I know I have made the right choice to spend the next four years at UCF.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks