Posts by JGiolli

JGiolli

Feb 7, 2011

Undergraduate / Husband is being stationed in Ft. Lewis, Reasons For Transferring and the Objectives [4]

I think the ending is strong-and is a good conclusion to your essay.

One suggestion I have is to not start off your essay with (paraphrase): "I'm only transferring to this school because my husband is getting transferred with his career" It almost seems demeaning to the school. Maybe talk about how you have to move because your husband is getting stationed in WA, but don't say that's the only reason you're switching schools. I would really suggest that you focus on what's good about the school you are transferring to and change the tone of the essay from you need to transfer, to: you are looking forward to transferring to this new school.

Another thing I would stay away from is talking about whether you will live on or off campus-because it doesn't matter to the school. They don't care what your reasoning is for living off or on campus, they just care about why you want to transfer there.

Additionally, don't talk about the two teachers who were terrible that graduated from the school you are at now. It doesn't set a good tone for your essay, and it's totally unnecessary.

and finally, I know that you talked about how this is a very rough draft-but you definitely want to fix grammatical errors and wording.

Hope this helped!

JGiolli

Feb 7, 2011

Undergraduate / "the best education program" - Transfer reasons for transferring/goals to achieve [3]

Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

The end of my high school career was creeping up on me so quickly that I realized I had to make a decision, and quickly, about which college I would choose to attend in the coming year. After long talks with my parents, many college visits, and having no clear vision of what I wanted to pursue as my professional career, I decided to go to the local community college: Raritan Valley Community College. I continued to work throughout my college career and quickly discovered that my heart was set on Secondary Education as my career choice. I became so intrigued with the education program that Raritan Valley offered and as soon as I stepped out of my first education course, I knew that it was for me.

In my field experience class, I was given the opportunity to do student observations in both an elementary and high school setting. I was placed into classrooms in Hopewell, NJ and began to see the teachers at work from an outsider's perspective, rather than a student's perspective. I quickly came to the decision that I wanted to be a high school teacher, and teach English.

At Raritan Valley, they offer a very great education program-but only an associate's degree. I knew from the moment I chose to go to Raritan Valley that I would be transferring in two years, but I didn't know where. It would really depend on what I wanted to do with my life. After I realized that I wanted to be a teacher, I knew that I would have to find a school that would really help make me the best teacher I can be and offer me the best education program possible.

In transferring, I want to be taught the science of the pedagogy of teaching, because I believe I already have the most important part: the heart of it. In order to be successful teacher, I believe that I need to be a lifelong learner and I would love to partner with a school that has those same views. I want to attend a college that has the best education program in the state of New Jersey and that will offer me plenty of field experience to truly prepare me for the workforce.

I hope to learn not only from my classes, but from the diversity that surrounds me in the classrooms. I want to participate in a study abroad program if I can so that I can really push and challenge myself in an unfamiliar setting. I believe that this school will really offer me the best college experience possible and I look forward to giving and receiving the best from my next college.

It's my first draft-haven't even edited or revised it. And I really wasn't sure how to go about writing it so I don't think it's very good. I would be willing to rewrite the entire thing if you guys think that would be best- I didn't really know where to start.. any suggestions?

Thanks