Letters / Fraternity Interest Letter [6]

Hello all, I need some advice on my fraternity interest letter. I'm not quite sure it flows correctly. Let me know what you think!

Thanks in advance,

To the Brothers of the XXX chapter of XXXX Fraternity, Incorporated:

The purpose of this letter is to inform you of my interest in becoming a member of the XXX chapter of XXX Fraternity, Incorporated. My desire to inspire young men and women and make a significant impact on their lives is just one of many reasons I aspire to join your great fraternity.

While growing up in a family predominately made up of women, I did not have many positive male role models I could look to for guidance. Although my father was not around to guide me through my journey of becoming a man, I was blessed to have two older males (cousins) in the family that embraced me and instilled in me the qualities of a man. Not only did they teach the qualities of a man, but they also ingrained in me the importance of an education.

Once I graduated from high school, I went on to play college football at XXX, and eventually continued my education at XXX with a Bachelor of Science degree in Computer Information Systems. After I obtained my degree, I began coaching football and mentoring the young men at XXXX. Being a mentor to those young men was an enlightening experience; it allowed me to understand the importance of a role model. Had it not been for the role models in my life, I'm not sure what direction my life would have taken. It was that experience and the influence of my cousins that fueled my desire to change the lives of young men and women the way that they changed mine.

I believe that I have a lot to offer XXX, both in terms of my desire to be a positive influence in the lives of others and with my personal strengths as a leader and mentor. As a member of XXX, I will work hard to uphold the reputation and exceed the standards that those before me have set.

In my opinion, becoming a member of XXX means joining a group of highly educated men that together I believe are capable of facilitating the type of change that is imperative in today's society. It is my hope that I will be accepted as a member and be afforded the opportunity to take part in that change. I look forward to hearing from you regarding my request to join your great fraternity.

Mike Dorn
Sincerely,

Graduate / (business sense, role model, MBA degree) -Statement Of Goals [8]

Please review what I have so far in my essay and provide any suggestions. Thank You.

Statement of Goals - Business Sense and Model - MBA

Growing up in XXX, XXX as the oldest child in my family, I watched my mother work multiple jobs in order to support my two younger sisters and myself. Observing the obstacles my mother faced due to the lack of a formal education has been my primary motivation for reaching my goal of going to college as well as pursuing my MBA degree through XXX.

As I pursued my undergraduate degree, I worked full-time to provide financial support to my siblings. I consider my ability to support my family while pursuing my degree a major accomplishment. Unfortunately, during this time my undergraduate grade point average (GPA) suffered as result. However, my GPA does not accurately reflect my capabilities. Through the experience of days filled with studying, working, and caring for my little sisters, I am comfortable creating time to study at night and on weekends. While I will continue to make sure I provide for my family, I will never allow my education to suffer.

Since graduating from college six (6) years ago, my career has included various technical roles in business oriented settings. These roles have provided me with the thirst for additional business knowledge. Having a lack of business knowledge has forced me to re-evaluate my career plan and goals.

As I begin a new chapter in my life, I have set several professional goals for myself, and I believe an MBA from XXX will play an integral role in my achieving these goals. My first goal is to sharpen my business sense and continue to develop stronger communication skills. Being able to understand the business impact that technical problems pose will enable me take a more effective approach when searching for solutions. This goal can be reached by cross training in other non-technical business units and continuing to take on new speaking engagements and communication opportunities. My second goal is to continue to develop stronger leadership and management skills. I plan to achieve this goal upon graduating from your MBA program. Your program will allow me to join a top-tier corporation and rotate in different business lines within its leadership development program. I see this as being important to obtaining the necessary management skills needed to reach my long term goal of becoming an entrepreneur. This leads me to my third and final goal, which is to establish my own Information Security Consulting firm. Becoming an entrepreneur has been a lifelong dream of mine. Taking a personal stake in building a product or service that I can call my own while inspiring others, creates great satisfaction for me. This goal can be achieved by reaching the aforementioned goals above, hard work, dedication and a strong desire to learn

With those goals in mind, I feel confident that now is the right time for me to earn my MBA degree. I've chosen the XXX Weekend MBA Program to aid me due to its flexibility, convenience, and quality. An MBA from XXXX University coupled with work experience will increase my overall marketability and build a stronger foundation of business knowledge and skills. I will put the knowledge and skills gained from your program to good use as I overcome the challenges of tomorrow.