Posts by mr_gourami

mr_gourami

Feb 20, 2011

Writing Feedback / To better the society off, people need to watch over the decisions that their leaders are making. [3]

if your looking to write about the position of authority, may I suggest stick to more revolutionary movements such as ghandi challenging the british authority or the civil rights movement challenging the authority of the US law.

your last sentence assumes that all authority will by nature make unjust laws. you also put forth ~half a case for people's rights and authority to watch over government. you made an argument as to why people should have a say but no solution, or how it should happen/work.

also the whole deal about the french. Society always goes on, no matter what the political climate is. I assume you mean society got better, more free, etc etc. but you don't say that, you just say forward. Be more direct with your wording.

mr_gourami

Feb 20, 2011

Essays / Using three different stories on how they relate to loneliness and isolation, start? [3]

start with what isolation is, then move story by story about where loneliness works in each story. i never read them but good luck

mr_gourami

Feb 17, 2011

Undergraduate / "there are benefits to failure" - UT Austin SOP Transfer Essay [4]

I am not sure what you are trying to say with the essay. It is very personal which I think is good. I really like the first part about the adhd. however when you started on TxState I thought it took a negative turn. It was fine to say now that you fixed a medical issue you could do better in school. And even that you felt a connection on ut campus vs tx state. But I am lost as to why you left texas state? Did you quit or graduate? Cause it kinda sounds like you dropped out cause you were too good for texas state and only UT is good enough for you. You were free of texas state?

I doubt that is what you were trying to say. I think you were trying to say that you want a better challenge and want the sense of identity that goes along with being a UT student. The part about wanting to be part of the UT team and access to the resources was good. I think it was the transition I found a little negative. also clear up the part about leaving school. if you dropped out of a school you thought was below you why would you be good enough for UT?

mr_gourami

Feb 17, 2011

Undergraduate / "My grandfather taught me a lot about the world" - Peace Corps Application Essays [4]

This is the first quick write up of my essay for the peace corps. The prompt is basically "why I want to be in the corps and why I would be good at it."

My main concerns with the essay is flow. I am not sure if it jumps across topics too quickly. I know there is some problems with grammar. I am concerned that I may come off as fake and/or full of it.

My grandfather taught me a lot about the world. The most memorable thing he ever said was, "One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching." That has always stayed with me as a reason to live for something more than myself. This has been highly influential on my life, from my career path as a teacher to my current application of the Peace Corps. The peace corps I believe has the same philosophy as me, to never accept the status quo but to change it!

I want to join the corps to work with new people and experience new cultures. I get frustrated seeing calls for help and not able to do more than offer alms to charity collectors or signing petitions. I spend my spare time improving skills that would make me a better teacher, from language to leadership skills. As a full time student I work three jobs a semester to improve time management skills and volunteer with youth to increase my patience & tolerance.

My grandfather taught me to improve the world and that is exactly what I intend to do. I have studied abroad because I love meeting new people and putting myself in new situations breaking lingering concepts of normal. I was taught to never accept the ordinary and I have vowed to never do so. I could go directly into a home life, by settling down, getting a local job teaching high school. Some of the greatest memories I have are meeting new people and participating in cultures and customs other than my own.

I understand what the corps is asking of its' volunteers, but I have done it. The corps is looking for people willing to leave behind not only friends & family but their culture. I have studied in several other countries, and integrated into the culture; from shouting to a waiter in a local Chinese restaurant to being comfortable to suck the eyes out of a fish at a Japanese restaurant with my host family.

I recognize the corps is not offering a vacation and look forward to the challenges, fruits and labors of the endeavor. I earned my Eagle Scout rank at sixteen and have experience volunteering long hours in the sun and joys of seeing a project well done. I have the leadership qualities asked of the corps in working with people, resolving conflict and managing time & resources.

I am Madison Rockwell Hanks. I believe that I can do more than do what the Peace Corps ask but that I can do it well. I have the sound judgment and facilities to be the responsible person the Peace Corps is looking for. I have an education that revolves around the idea of teaching with new and creative methods that focus on putting the student first. Above all else I am a friend, whom can be trusted and counted on.