Undergraduate / 'Neal bhai' - your activities (150 words or less) common app [4]

It's a great essay, but the question says 'elaborate'. It tells a nice story but doesn't actually tell what you DID being a camp counselor. What were your responsibilities and how is that going to help you in college?

Undergraduate / "The Melting Pot" - Common app Main essay [5]

it's a good essay, but it doesn't answer the actual question. think of an EXPERIENCE. this essay is chock-full of experiences, but not one is clearly the point of the essay. your thoughts are really all over the board, and while it explains that you have a diverse history, it still fails to say why (other than you gew up in miami and you've visited much of latin america)

you need to focus on a single idea and analyze what you would bring to the college. maybe about how you grew up in miami and because of that, you are a bunch of different cultures rolled into one. because now, your essay jumps around from you having street smarts and being able to adapt to your family and how your vacations together impacted you. the last paragraph is really nice, but try to pick a central idea.