Writing Feedback / High school experience vs. Cat's eye, Elaine Risely - Personal essay on identity [3]

Hi. I have developed a personal essay where I am comparing my experiences and insights in before and during high-school with that of the main character in the book Cat's eye, Elaine Risely. My thesis is that our childhood experiences inevitably shape our identities in teenage and adulthood. I would greatly appreciate it if you could proof-read my essay, tell me what I am doing wrong, and what I did correctly or what you appreciated about my essay (this is at the high-school level). The essay is long, and once again, I thank you for your time and effort in helping me.

Essay:

What impact do all of our past experiences and relationships, the good and the bad, have on our identities and sense of self? The self is a key construct in several schools of psychology, broadly referring to the cognitive and affective representation of one's identity. In the book Cat's Eye by Margaret Attwood, Elaine's identity and her perceived sense of self is dynamic and all her positive and negative experiences and relationships have helped shape it, as well as my past experiences and relationships have shaped me into who I am today. Much of the important experiences that have contributed to forming Elaine's identity occurred while she was still a child, as this is crucial time in her life to developing her personality and how she interacts with her peers and future relationships. Similarly, the experiences and relationships as a child have had a tremendous impact on my sense of self and the development of my personality. When Elaine enters high-school, her entire identity shifts from being serene and introverted to callous extroversion and notoriety. Likewise, my identity also shifted but not as radically as Elaine's, and I feel I gained great insight and personal growth during my time in high-school. Although we may be very different people in our teenage and adult years, our experiences and relationships as children have an everlasting impact on our developing identities.

Elaine's experiences as a child have had a profound impact on developing her identity as both a teenager and an adult. As a child before moving to Toronto, Elaine was relatively happy and content with her life, even though she did not have any friends. As quoted from the text "Until we moved to Toronto I was happy." (22). Much of Elaine's lack of connecting with people as she grows older can be attributed to her truly terrible experiences as a child, such as the time she was placed in the hole. Quoted from the text, "When I was put into the hole I knew it was a game; now I know it is not one. I feel sadness, a sense of betrayal. Then I feel the darkness pressing down on me; then terror." (120). Elaine was innocent, naïve, and serene as a child and these "friends" of hers took advantage of that fact. She genuinely believed that her friends were trying to help her to become one of them and integrate her, as evidenced by the text, "I am not normal, I am not like the other girls. Cordelia tells me so, but she will help me. Grace and carol will help me too. It will take hard work and a long time." (134). This is the underlying reason why she puts up with this blatant bullying, perpetrated on her by the girls. Instead of telling her parents or a school teacher, she copes by inflicting physical pain on herself which only further damages her self-esteem, as proven from the text, "It turns colder and colder. I lie with my knees up, as close to my body as I can get them. I'm peeling the skin off my feet; I can do it without looking, by touch." (133-134). All of these experiences are the defining moments of Elaine's life that have contributed to the development of Elaine's identity and personality, much like my experiences and relationships as a child have developed my sense of self even as a teenager and young adult.

Very much like Elaine, my childhood experiences have also had a profound impact on the growth of my identity. Unlike Elaine, however, I did not have the luxury of living with both of my parents. Due to my parents' divorce, I was raised by a very strict mother. My mother worked two jobs in order to provide for us, and expected from all of us that we get excellent grades in school and to spend our time studying. Since I spent most of my time at home studying, it was very difficult for me to keep friends. During the day at school, I would develop many friendships that would unfortunately not last, as many were interested in playing after school and I had to stay at home and study. This continued throughout my late childhood until the age of 12, when a friendship with a very rebellious kid was formed. Although I kept my excellent grades, he exerted his rebellious influence on me and I started to gradually leave the house. My mother always told me that the minute I stop studying, I will see my grades drop and I will fail and therefore be punished. I began to develop a disregard for authorities and became rebellios myself, giving my teachers a hard time in class and refusing to do the work, opting to hang out with my friends instead. Due to this, my grades began to drop and this was the first year I didn't make the honor roll, but I didn't really care as I was having the time of my life. This continued until the eight grade, were my best friend was arrested for stealing. Although I was having fun, I didn't want my life to go down this road and I experienced an epiphany. Although my personality began to experience a shift when I started high-school, it was not as radical as Elaine's.

In high-school, Elaine reinvents herself and how she carries herself, among both her friends and peers. In order to do this, she completely buries her horrible past, or tries to. As evidenced from the text, "Nobody mentions anything about this missing time, except my mother. Once in a while she says, "That bad time you had," and I am puzzled.What is she talking about? I find these references to bad times vaguely threatening, vaguely insulting: I am not the sort of girl who has bad times, I have good times only." (225). This quote proves that Elaine tries to star anew in high-school, instead of trying to come to terms and address the past, and all her relationships from here on out will suffer due to this. At first, Elaine has a very difficult time fitting in, as she is much more mature than her peers, while Cordelia fits in quite well, as demonstrated from the text, "She knows the rituals, she knows how we're suppose to be behaving, now that we're in high school. But I think these things are impenetrable and fraudulent, and I can't do them without feeling I'm acting." (234). Shortly after starting high-school and befriending Cordelia, something very important occurs: the power in their relationship is shifted in favor of Elaine, as evidenced from the text, "Cordelia wants to point out Lump-lump Family cars, but I'm tired of this. I have denser, more malevolent little triumph to finger: energy has passed between us, and I am stronger." (262). Elaine develops somewhat of a "mean-mouth" in high-school as well, as quoted from the text, "I have such a mean mouth that I become known for it. I don't use it unless provoked, but then I open my mouth and short, devastating comments come out of it." (263). Strangely, this does not make her hated by her peers but more popular, as evidenced from the text, "Strangely enough, my mean behaviour doesn't result in fewer friends, but, on the surface, more. The girls are afraid of me but they know where it's safest: beside me, half a step behind." (263-264). Due to her terrible experiences with girls as a child, Elaine is now trying to over-compensate and all her relationships become about power. This is reinforced by the fact that she verbally attacks Cordelia for no reason at times, as demonstrated from the text, "The person I use my mean mouth on the most is Cordelia. She doesn't even have to provoke me, I use her as target practice." (264). The power has shifted, but Elaine now feels that it is her turn to abuse Cordelia, instead of coming to terms with their terrible past and forgiving her so they can have a lasting friendship, which she regrets in adulthood. By the time Elaine is in grade 13 and doing the final exams, she has an epiphany. She realizes that she doesn't want to become a biologist, but a painter. Quoted from the text, ""But in the middle of the botany examination it comes to me, like a sudden epileptic fit, that I'm not going to be a biologist, as I have thought. I am going to be a painter...My life has been changed, soundlessly, instantaneously." ( 287). This will have a profound impact on Elaine's future, her future friends and lovers, and the influences they have on her identity. Elaine may have seemed happy and popular in high-school, but she was not, due to a failure of coming to terms with her past and accepting her mistakes, unlike the insights and epiphanies I experienced in high-school.

Similarly, I also experienced a great shift in my perceived sense of self and personal identity. As stated earlier, my best friend got into legal trouble before we started high-school. I came to the realization that this was not the road I wanted to go down, all I really wanted was some harmless fun and to do well in school. So, I slowly began to disassociate from him, much like Elaine did with Cordelia after her exams. I experienced an epiphany as well, that there is a healthy medium, that is possible to have fun and a social life as well as excel in school. This important insight is what eluded Elaine, as she failed to realize that she does not have to be a doormat in her relationships nor a power-driven bully, but there is a healthy medium. My grades started to rise again and I made the honor roll for the first time in a few years again, all the while maintaining an active social life. All was well for the first couple of years of high-school, until my mother fell very ill and my older brother and I had to pick up jobs in order to help provide for the family. Until then, I never had any real responsibilities in life. I felt burdened, as if a massive weight was placed onto my shoulders, and I had a terrible time adapting and managing my time efficiently. I waddled along through the eleventh grade with mediocre grades, and began focusing more on my job. Eventually, I started to experience burnout and started to lose sight of my education goals. After graduating high-school with very low marks, I worked full-time for a year. Then, I met an old friend at the grocery store and was catching with him. He informed me that he was in his third year of university, and had jobs lined up upon graduation. This was the wake-up call I needed to become motivated; another epiphany. I consulted my mother and quit my job, and returned to school for another year to upgrade my marks. Fortunately, my grades improved tremendously and I was accepted to a prestigious university. So, from what I learned in my early experiences of high-school that it is indeed possible to maintain both good grades and a social life, I was able to apply this to all my other problems and find a healthy medium. As the philosopher, Socrates, once said, "Everything in moderation".

Our childhoods and our nurturing during this pivotal time has a powerful impact on what kind of individuals we turn out to be. As in Cat's eye, for example, Elaine ironically turned into the bullies that bullied her when she was a child. She didn't learn from her mistakes and refused to come to terms with her past, which only lead to a life filled with regret. I, however, was able to see the "bigger picture". That there is always a healthy medium, and no extreme is ever desirable. This important realization allowed me to live a relatively easy, filled with contentment. The important values we extract from our childhood experiences truly can predict what kind of people we will turn out to be, which explains why criminals often have abusive childhoods filled with anger and hatred, while good and kind people often have great childhoods filled with love and happiness. Our identity is the one thing that cannot be stripped from us. It is constantly changing relative to how we carry ourselves in our relationships and interactions.

Book Reports / King Lear Two old men acquire wisdom by experiencing the inevitable- compare/contrast [7]

Hi. I would appreciate if you would help proofread my essay. Also, how effective do you think my thesis (is it arguable and does it have relevance in world outside of literature)? Have I supported it with sufficient evidence in my body paragraphs? How well did I open my essay (opening strategy: rhetorical question followed by declarative statement)? How well did I close? At the high-school level, how would you grade me? Thank you in advance for all the help, I appreciate it.

Essay:
Do all old men truly possess wisdom because they can see their death on the horizon? Wisdom is a very valued and respected trait in our society and is associated with the elderly. In both King Lear by William Shakespeare and Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom, the protagonists were able to acquire wisdom after undergoing trials and tribulations. However, both these men began their quest as completely different people, polar opposites even. Morrie always emphasized the value of family and love, while King Lear saw these as trivial pursuits which at best can be used to elevate his ego. Morrie was disappointed by the way things were in his society, while initially King Lear did not care too much for it and accepted it. Morrie viewed death as completely natural and even an ideal way to live, while King Lear still wanted to live the life of a king despite dividing his land between his daughters. Despite being very different in both character and beliefs initially, both King Lear and Morrie came to acquire true wisdom by experiencing a fact of life which we regard as a phenomena; death.

Both these wise men once differed in values when it came to life. Morrie believed that it was better to rather perish than to live a life without any love, as he was quoted to have said "If you don't have the support and love and caring and concern that you get from a family, you don't have much at all. Love is so supremely important. As our great poet Auden said "Love each other or perish""(Albom 91). This quote illustrates Morrie's views of love and is of the opinion that it is better to die than to live a life devoid of love. Although Morrie grew up without much love in his life, it was for this reason why he emphasized the importance of love and family. Conversely, King Lear believed that family only exists to serve his needs. Quoted from King Lear "Tell me, my daughters, Since now we will divest us both of rule, Interest of territory, cares of state Which of you shall we say doth love us most That we our largest bounty may extend Where nature doth with merit challenge?"(I I 47-53). This quote exemplifies King Lear's conviction of family. He pitted his daughters against each other for his personal benefit. His love was also conditional, even though Cordelia was his known favorite amongst his daughters, he warned her "How, how, Cordelia? Mend your speech a little, Lest you may mar your fortunes." (I I 94-95). This quote reinforces the fact that he believed that love in a family is unilateral, that is, he should only receive love but never give any. Contrarily, Morrie's love for his family was unconditional and a two-way street. However, Lear realized the true value of unconditional love when Cordelia returned despite after disowning and cursing her, but it was too late. While Morrie learned the value of love through the lack of it earlier in his life, King Lear would learn it through the death of his beloved daughter. Both would cherish family and life even more after coming to terms with death, and realize the ills of their respective societies.

Both Lear and Morrie also once had different perspectives on life and society. King Lear accepted the hierarchy of his society, of course, since he was the pinnacle of the "great chain of being". Quoted from King Lear "All I ask is that you provide me with a hundred knights for my own entourage. I'll keep only the title of king..."(I I 136-138). This quote exemplifies King Lear's view of society and that he comes before society, depriving 100 knights from society for his own personal benefit. Morrie, on the other hand, was disgusted by his society and how materialistic it was. Quoted from Tuesdays with Morrie "Do you know how they brainwash people? They repeat something over and over again. And that's what we do in this country. Owning things is good. More money is good. More property is good. More commercialism is good...We repeat it-and have it repeated to us-over and over until nobody bother to even think other wise" (Albom 124). This quote demonstrates Morrie's disgust with society and how it constantly promotes materialism rather than important things such as love, which evidenced by this quote "You know how I always interpreted that? These people were so hungry for love that they were accepting substitutes" (Albom 125). The relevance of this quote is that Morrie believes that people are materialistic due to a lack of love in their lives. Similarly, King Lear also realizes the ills of his society during his hardships. Quoted from Lear "Thou rascal beadle, hold thy bloody hand. Why dost thou lash that whore? Strip thine own back. Thou hotly lust'st to use her in that kind For which thou whipp'st her. The usurer hangs the cozener. (IV vi 152-157). This quote really exemplifies both his disgust of the social customs of his time and how it favors the rich but frowns on the poor. Lear also regrets not being a just king and mistreating the poor as a result of being too materialistic. He laments "Poor naked wretches, whereso'er you are, That bide the pelting of this pitiless storm, How shall your houseless heads and unfed sides, Your looped and windowed raggedness, defend you From seasons such as these? Oh, I have ta'en Too little care of this!" (III iv 30-34). Although Morrie was aware of the problems of his society and always spoke out against them, King Lear was only able to come to this conclusion and acquire this wisdom through difficult tribulations. However, it was through seeing their inevitable death on the horizon which raised their awareness of the problems that are rampant in their respective societies.

Morrie and Lear had contrasting views of death as well before their acquisition of wisdom. Initially, Lear believed he would die as a king and even in his old age when dividing his kingdom between his daughters, he believed death was distance as evidenced from the text "All I ask is that you provide me with a hundred knights for my own entourage. I'll keep only the title of king... (I i 136-138). Lear did not believe in preparing for death or saying goodbye to his loved ones, as he still wanted to live like a king even after dividing his kingdom and wealth. Conversely, Morrie believed that death should be accepted and even an ideal way to live. Quoted from Morrie "Oh yes, you strip away all that stuff and you focus on the essentials. When you realize you are going to die, you see everything much differently...Learn how to die, and you learn how to live" (Albom 83). This quote exemplifies that Morrie believed if more people lived as if they were going to die at any moment, then the world would be a much more positive place. Morrie was also optimistic and grateful for his disease and how long he had to say his farewells to his loved ones, quoted from the text "It's horrible to watch my body wilt away to nothing. But it's also wonderful because of all the time I get to say good-bye." (Albom 57). On the other hand, King Lear was coming to terms with his own mortality. When Gloucestor asked to kiss his hand, he responded "Let me wipe it first, it smells of mortality." (IV vi 125-126). This quote really illustrates Lear's newfound humbleness and acceptance of death. Morrie and Lear both achieved wisdom and enlightenment by coming to terms with their deaths, something both people and society can learn from to improve their lives.

King Lear and Morrie Schwartz are very much alike, despite being completely different people before their acquisition of wisdom. They both were able to attain enlightenment and contentment through difficult hardships and aware of the problems that are in their society. They have come to learn that if more people were aware of death and lived everyday as if they were to die, they would live more fulfilling and satisfying lives. Through their acquisition of wisdom, they have realized the importance of family and love, except they only differ in respect where King Lear is filled with regret while Morrie gains an even higher appreciation for it. Death is a fact of life that we must accept and embrace. People should not live life until they can see their death on the horizon.

Writing Feedback / Eulogy of Morrie schwartz by Charlotte schwartz. [3]

This is a Eulogy written by me that would have been told by Charlotte Schwartz at Morrie's funeral. I had to infer many things since there wasn't much information given about her in the book. Thanks in advance for all the help, I appreciate it. Eulogy:

Morrie once said "Dying is only one thing to be sad over... Living unhappily is something else". Morrie Schwartz was a remarkable person, a wonderful husband, a loving father and professor. His loving personality has touched and changed the lives of many people around the world including his students, family, friends, and people who have been fortunate to learn about him through Nightline. Most importantly, he has changed my life and my outlook of the world.

When I first met Morrie 46 years or so ago, what drew me to him were his kindness and his vibrant attitude about life. Although I was a bit of a recluse, Morrie was one of the few individuals who could bring me out of my shell. Before I met Morrie, I was not as forgiving or kind to others as I would have like to have been. That would all change after meeting Morrie Schwartz. My entire beliefs and the methods in which I would interact with regular people and strangers have changed for the best within a short time after marrying Morrie. I began to start trusting people again and giving them the benefit of the doubt, all under the indirect influence of Morrie.

Indeed, Morrie always had a way to bring the best out of the most cold and distant of people. As Morrie once said "After you have wept and grieved for your physical losses, cherish the functions and the life you have left". Morrie is in a better place right now, and he would appreciate it if I moved on with my life. Although Morrie may not be with us anymore physically, he will continue to live on in our most fondest memories. In his memory, I will comfort families who have lost loved ones to ALS and help raise awareness around the world for this deadly disease. I will also be much more open and compassionate person, in memory of Morrie.

Morrie's favourite poet once said "Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh". Morrie would always laugh at the most bland of jokes, just to preserve a good moment. Most people who met Morrie would grow to love him after knowing him for such a short while. For such a highly intelligent and complex man, Morrie was simple in expressing himself and aphorisms were a favorite of his. In one to three sentences, Morrie would get people to question their beliefs and values. Fortunately, this has changed many people for the better. Most importantly, his aphorisms have had a powerful affect on me and my disposition of people. Although neither of us earned handsome salaries and paying the bills were difficult at times, his aphorisms and their stance against our capitalist culture is what made us truly cherish our lives. This is another valuable life lesson that I have learned from Morrie, that a person's worth is not relative to their salary and their materal posessions.

Morrie lived a long good life, filled with love and security. He lived a simple life free of materalistic pursuits and placed emphasis on the greater things in life, such as love and companionship. This is what I believe is missing from most people's lives, and if we were only half as understanding with each other, then there would not be as much wars or hate in this world. There are many things I will miss about Morrie, but the most that will stick with me and I will continue to practice is his kindness and understanding towards all people. Morrie may be resting in peace now, but his aphorisms will continue to live on and change people for the better. Morrie will remain alive in the people's lives that he has changed, as he once said "The best way to deal with that is to live in a fully conscious, compassionate, loving way. Don't wait until you're on your deathbed to recognize that this is the only way to live".