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Posts by unl student
Joined: Mar 16, 2011
Last Post: Mar 16, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

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unl student   
Mar 16, 2011
Writing Feedback / "Bus in Hanoi" - Evaluation essay - the role of transportation. [4]

English isn't your native language is it?
That's okay! I'm here to help

One thing I'm conufused about is the terminal thing. Buses don't have terminals, subways do though. Is it a bus service? Or a subway they are building. If it's a bus service it would be a station instead of a terminal.

I tried to keep the integrity of your essay, while still correcting it to make some sense in English. Let me know if this helps!!
unl student   
Mar 16, 2011
Writing Feedback / Cause and Effects Essay: Evolving trends of text messaging [3]

what feedback would you like?
a few grammatical errors on the surface of things "the customer ask the young man"
just look it over to catch those

If you want any more feedback give me a list of stuff and I'll address it
unl student   
Mar 16, 2011
Book Reports / King Lear Two old men acquire wisdom by experiencing the inevitable- compare/contrast [7]

All in all I'd say you've done a good job. For a high school paper that is.
I am a college student studying Theatre and I've actually been in a production of King Lear
I'm not going to attack your essay because I haven't read Tuesdays with Morrie, but I'm gonna give you a few pointers and things I saw.

. make sure the titles of the play, and the title of the book are italicized.

when you quote a quote inside a book the quotation marks should look like "'
the quote from the poet inside the book should be surrounded with 'these'

I would say that your thesis is a little confusing. It's an interesting thesis, yes, but the problem with it also lies in the examples you give to support it. Although I wouldn't recommend changing your essay entirely I would say in retrospect you might've wanted to find another character besides Lear. You have of course read the play so you know that he dies at the end of the play after going completely insane. I would argue that the poor man never obtained any wisdom throughout the course of the play, as it's very difficult to attain wisdom when you are insane. The trials and tribulations he went through never gave him any insight, they drove him to madness.

. King Lear is not the protagonist of the play. Although the play is entitled "King Lear" he is merely a plot point and a foil for the actual protagonists.

. Also, Lear never saw family as a "way to elevate his ego". It's clear from the action of the play that he loves Cordelia dearly, and he also knows that Goneril, and Reagan are not the loving daughters they pretend to be. So when He says

"How, how, Cordelia? Mend your speech a little, Lest you may mar your fortunes."
his intent is to not only tell her that he loves her, but there is also the hope that she will not become like her older sisters (treacherous serpents)

The reason Lear originally chose to split the kingdom up is not because he was lazy, and thought he was above everyone else it was because he was getting old and he thought it would be wise to split the kingdom that way he wouldn't have to worry about ruining it in his old age (which he ends up doing anyways) or future conflict between his daughters after his death.

Kent's revolt against Lear's actions arises not from Lear's initial undertaking but from his reaction to Cordelia. Notice too that he does not protest when Lear asks for a competition for love from his daughters or when Goneril and Regan respond in very coarse, superficial words. He only strikes against Lear's rule when Lear does not notice the sincerity of Cordelia's words and then moves to strip her of his love and titles.

When Lear says the line "Poor naked wretches, whereso'er you are, That bide the pelting of this pitiless storm, How shall your houseless heads and unfed sides, Your looped and windowed raggedness, defend you From seasons such as these? Oh, I have ta'en Too little care of this!" You have hit that one on the head. Lear refers to the poor he has neglected during his rule, but instead of bringing him wisdom, this again drives him deeper into his madness. After this Lear meets Edgar and in his mixed up state he takes Edgar's insanity as wisdom and philosophy

You should probably know by reading the play the Lear never saw his death coming. The reason he died was because his heart gave out after Cordelia was killed. You say that "However, it was through seeing their inevitable death on the horizon which raised their awareness of the problems that are rampant in their respective societies"

I would say that the tribulations helped Lear see his mistakes, not his inevitable death on the horizon, which although it was inevitable was something that he himself never saw coming

I'd also like to look at this section
"Initially, Lear believed he would die as a king and even in his old age when dividing his kingdom between his daughters, he believed death was distance as evidenced from the text 'All I ask is that you provide me with a hundred knights for my own entourage. I'll keep only the title of king...' (I i 136-138). Lear did not believe in preparing for death or saying goodbye to his loved ones, as he still wanted to live like a king even after dividing his kingdom and wealth."

He still died as a king despite the action in the play.
If the point of your essay is that old men are wise because of the inevitability of their death then this doesn't really help the point. Of course he didn't believe in preparing for death, he was old but not dying or even close to it. Before the circumstances he went through in the play he was perfectly healthy, he had no need to prepare for death. There was also no need to say goodbye to his loved ones as he would see them whenever he went to visit them.

As for living like a king, of course he would want to after earning all the wealth himself, he expects a little paternal respect from his children.

I'm going to say NO WAY to the phrase "They both were able to attain enlightenment and contentment through difficult hardships and aware of the problems that are in their society."

NO.WAY.
King Lear never attained contentment. It's a tragedy play for a reason. He died holding his beloved daughter in his arms and his heart burst because he couldn't take everything that had happened

I almost feel as if you haven't actually read King Lear because you have missed some key points in the play which shows in the paper.

I know I said I wasn't going to attack your essay and I feel kind of bad, but if your teacher has read the play they're going to wonder if you actually read it, or if you picked up a study guide about the play and read that instead. I do wish I had read Tuesdays with Morrie but oh well.

There was a quotation mark missing after "I'll keep the title of king..."

I would say to rethink your conclusion.

Your thesis again, is a nice statement but it's confusing because being well versed on King Lear I don't feel as though it applies to the supporting evidence.

As for a grade that's tough. In a lower level class this paper would probably get an A. If you're in a senior class though and your teacher has read King Lear you're gonna get hit hard. If it was my class I would give it a C, possibly a B- if you didn't have any grammatical or parenthetical errors. So you can expect a B or A as it is now. But obviously you care about the paper so I think you could make it that A+

Hopefully this helps!!!
unl student   
Mar 16, 2011
Speeches / To drink? Or not to drink? That is the question! Drinking Age, communications class. [2]

hi, I'm a college student taking a communications class and we are required to give an informative speech of 5-7 minutes long. I want it to be a humorous speech and one that everyone will relate to. I'll put down what my outline looks like so far along with some other thoughts I've jotted down.

I've never actually had to do this written outline thing before so I'm a little confused. If someone could help that would be fantastic!

Underage Drinking
Title:To drink? Or not to drink? That is the question.
General Purpose: To inform
Specific Purpose: To inform the audience about the positive effects of drinking
Thesis: To inform the audience of the positive experiences and effects of drinking before the legal age of 21
I. Introduction

That's the outline, here's some stuff I've written down

possible points:
Reasons why drinking underage is good
Things not to do while drinking
Things to do while drinking
Places where drinking younger has helped

2 sources with punchlines:
According to data from the 2007 Monitoring the Future (MTF) study, an annual survey of U.S. youth, three-fourths of 12th graders, more than two-thirds of 10th graders, and about two in every five 8th graders have consumed alcohol.

So if everyone's doing it why would it be bad? Now I've heard my parents say "well if your friend jumps off a bridge are you going to follow him?" Of course I am! Because I'm tied to the bridge by a bungee cord of alcoholic fun! Nothing could go wrong!

According to the National institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism NIAAA Adolescence is the transition between childhood and adulthood. Exposing the brain to alcohol during this period may interrupt brain development, possibly leading to further escalation of drinking.

What does this mean for us?
MORE FUN!

That's what I've got so far. Questions? Comments? Suggestions?
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