Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by bellawings90210
Joined: Mar 18, 2011
Last Post: Apr 22, 2011
Threads: -
Posts: 3  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 3
sort: Oldest first   Latest first
bellawings90210   
Mar 18, 2011
Writing Feedback / DO WE RELY HEAVILY ON TECHNOLOGY ? [6]

The only thing is if feel like this is awkward:
I personally utilize technology in my daily routine whether it is to cook, create web-pages, or to communicate with my peers. I, like many Americans today have become reliant on the usage of technology.

I would change it to:
Like many Americans, I have become dependent on technology, commonly relying on it to cook, create web-pages, and communicate with peers.
bellawings90210   
Apr 22, 2011
Scholarship / My passion for Computer Science (to do research abroad in third world countries) [4]

I think this is good.. the first line captured my interest

i might change this line though
Accepted into the UCLA High School Summer Research Program, I conducted research in the Electrical Engineering department, where I simulated three ant colony algorithms to find the optimal path planning solution.

to

I conducted research in the Electrical Engineering department after being accepted into the UCLA High School Summer Research Program, where I simulated three ant colony algorithms to find the optimal path planning solution.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳