Writing Feedback / Criminals who break the law will get punishment, and some of them will be put into prison [3]

Hi, all, could you help me correct my essay, thanks.

Topic :
Some people think that criminals should be given longer terms in prison, so as to reduce the crime rate. To what extent do you agree or disagree

My essay:

In modern society, law has been playing a vital part. Criminals who break the law will get punishment, and some of them will be put into prison. Some people claim that in order to decrease the crime rate, we should enforce laws by keeping prisoners longer in jail than before. In my point of view, this is a very stupid proposal that no one would like to put up with, including those advocates.

The major aim for government to set up sentencing policies and put offenders into jail to limit their freedom is to help them consider clearly about their crime actions and correct them if it is possible, rather than to trap them for a long time. How long they have to spend in prison depends on the seriousness of their crime. It is not "the longer, the better". Imagine being forced to live in prison for two years for minor offense, how would you act?

In addition, increasing penalty time also has many drawbacks, Firstly, in order to hold so many prisoners, governments have to enlarge the size of buildings, hire more people for administration purposes and pay more attention to their accommodation, which would inevitably increase the burden of nation. Secondly, although the crime rate will drop down to a low level, the total number of criminals will not change, which is meaningless for citizens.

In conclusion, although some people have done something wrong, they still possess basic human rights. We should not pursue the number of crime rate through imposing extra penalty on offenders.

Writing Feedback / Which is major influence in our life, characteristics we are born with or experience [3]

hi, all,
Here is my essay practice, could you help check it, I will be very appreciate if you could give me more elegant present for any sentences in my essay, thanks in advance.

Topic:
Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on your personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life.

Which do you consider to be the major influence?

My essay:

At present, one of the most controversial topics is the question whether "nature" or "nurture" influences our personality and development most. Some people believe it is the traits inherited from parents that decide what we would be in the adulthood, while others dispute that it is the experience we obtain from the society to build our lives. Let us examine these two points of view before presenting my opinion.

The people who consider the characteristics we are born with as major influence in our development, would argue that both physical features and human intelligence are decided by DNA. What is meant by this is that before we come into the world, all the features of ours, such as the color of our skin and hair, what we would look like and our heights, are already defined by genes in DNA. For instance, genes decide black people are born with greater power, speed and explosive than other species, that is why they win the most championship in race in Olympic Games.

That may sounds ideal theoretically, however, other people would point out that what distinguishes animals and human beings is the society. Individuals can not live alone away the society in which both our personality and development are both formed. Therefore, the experiences we may have in our lives would influence us most. For example, a scientist ever conducted an experiment in which he separates two male twins into different countries to check how circumstance can affect individuals. After twenty years, he found twins speaking different languages and having developed distinguishing habits.

After checking arguments above, we can safely reach to our conclusion: although the abilities we are born with may affect our lives a bit, the experience we gain from society would influence us most, since we are all social creatures.

Writing Feedback / 'entering society' - Work/travel between high school and study at university [5]

Hi, all,
I am new here, glad to join you, and this is my first essay, could you please give me some comments? Thanks.

topic:
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and staring university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

My essay:
Nowadays, an increasing number of students choose to enter universities after graduating from high school. However, some people claim that student should have one year's working or traveling experience before they start their university lives. In my opinion, such kind of experience is good to young people with minor disadvantages.

Young people is able to obtain many things from this one year's life. First, they have been studying since entering primary school, under the protection provided by schools, most of them have few chances to contact real society and meet various kind of people. One year's social practice will make them get more mature and establish their own perspective of world. Furthermore, they will get to know what do they need and what are their real interests, which is very important for their subject selection in college. Second, for most adolescences, universities are not opened for free, they have to pay for their studies. One year's working can make them have their own saving, which will releasing financial burden of their families and also make them economic independent.

On the other hand, entering society before enrolling higher schools has a few defects. Initially, after graduating from high school, people are not strong enough both in physical and spirit plus short of working experience and skills that they can not work under pressure. Moreover, adolescences tend to just have a fun and enjoy landscape during traveling, therefore they may forget the knowledge they get through hard working before, that will be an obstacle in the path of further study.

Overall, each coin has double sides, although social practice before going to university has several disadvantages, it has numerous advantages as well. I would prefer to work or travel for one year and then continue further study in college.