havnjp
Apr 3, 2011
Writing Feedback / Our children today spend too much time watching TV _AnhTrung [3]
1. pay much more attention introducing these viewers to join -> pay attention to do smt
2. "have no time looking after her" -> exaggeration, should say "have no much time looking after her"
3. "makes children stress" -> "give some negative effect for children/ threaten to their health and personality"
4. playing soccer and badminton with friends -> playing sports such as soccer and badminton with their friends
5. "In conclusion, I believe that although television has negative effectiveness on the children. It also gives children and people the opportunity to learn what can not be learn from books and other materials." -> "In conclusion, I believe that although television has negative effect on the children, it also gives children and people the opportunity to learn what can not be learn from books and other materials."
6. In conclusion, although television has negative effect on the children, it also gives children and people the opportunity to learn what can not be learn from books and other materials. Therefore, with the helpful guideline of parents to take part in different out door activities, I believe that those children will be living healthier both mentally and physically.
^^ Ha
1. pay much more attention introducing these viewers to join -> pay attention to do smt
2. "have no time looking after her" -> exaggeration, should say "have no much time looking after her"
3. "makes children stress" -> "give some negative effect for children/ threaten to their health and personality"
4. playing soccer and badminton with friends -> playing sports such as soccer and badminton with their friends
5. "In conclusion, I believe that although television has negative effectiveness on the children. It also gives children and people the opportunity to learn what can not be learn from books and other materials." -> "In conclusion, I believe that although television has negative effect on the children, it also gives children and people the opportunity to learn what can not be learn from books and other materials."
6. In conclusion, although television has negative effect on the children, it also gives children and people the opportunity to learn what can not be learn from books and other materials. Therefore, with the helpful guideline of parents to take part in different out door activities, I believe that those children will be living healthier both mentally and physically.
^^ Ha
