sppanda
May 15, 2011
Writing Feedback / Do young people today make good use of their leisure time? [7]
Thank for your answer!
Great! :-)
Thank for your answer!
Great! :-)
sppanda
May 5, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ielts - Media and Students paying tuition fee - Introductions and conclusions. [3]
I think examiners accept American and UK English, so you can use both of them. However I prefer "Favour".
"Such as" is acceptable.
I think examiners accept American and UK English, so you can use both of them. However I prefer "Favour".
"Such as" is acceptable.
sppanda
May 5, 2011
Writing Feedback / Do young people today make good use of their leisure time? [7]
Oh, thank Student7 so much.
Your feedback is really great for me!
Can I replace these ideas by others below?
-On the one hand, some of young people have made great use of their free time.
+ They attend social activities like charities and voluntary organizations.
- These bring huge benefits for community
- For example, the students in some universities collected old books, clothes and food to assist poor people and the areas destroyed by natural disasters.
+ Sporting clubs include various young members.
- Taking part in these clubs has positive effects on maintaining health and keeping fitness.
- On the other hand, the young spend too much waste time on non productive activities.
- For instance, in Vietnam, the children tend to play computer games at the internet service rooms, especially to play online games.
- They watch some entertainment programs during hours like HBO, Cinemax and Disney Channel.
- Their funds of free time are not used effectively because of negative impacts on health.
- Lack of outdoor activities eases their communicative abilities and social relations.
Oh, thank Student7 so much.
Your feedback is really great for me!
Can I replace these ideas by others below?
-On the one hand, some of young people have made great use of their free time.
+ They attend social activities like charities and voluntary organizations.
- These bring huge benefits for community
- For example, the students in some universities collected old books, clothes and food to assist poor people and the areas destroyed by natural disasters.
+ Sporting clubs include various young members.
- Taking part in these clubs has positive effects on maintaining health and keeping fitness.
- On the other hand, the young spend too much waste time on non productive activities.
- For instance, in Vietnam, the children tend to play computer games at the internet service rooms, especially to play online games.
- They watch some entertainment programs during hours like HBO, Cinemax and Disney Channel.
- Their funds of free time are not used effectively because of negative impacts on health.
- Lack of outdoor activities eases their communicative abilities and social relations.
sppanda
May 4, 2011
Writing Feedback / Do young people today make good use of their leisure time? [7]
Dear Frank,
Thank you for your feedback.
Can I change the topic sentence in the 1st body paragraph?
On the one hand, young people spending too much time onnon-useful activities like watching television and playing computer games has tended to increase recently.
Is it ok?
Regards,
sppanda.
Dear Frank,
Thank you for your feedback.
Can I change the topic sentence in the 1st body paragraph?
On the one hand, young people spending too much time on
Is it ok?
Regards,
sppanda.
sppanda
May 4, 2011
Writing Feedback / Do young people today make good use of their leisure time? [7]
Do young people today make good use of their leisure time? Or do they spend too much time watching television and playing video games, instead of taking part in more productive activities?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge and experience.
To a certain extend I agree that some of young people today use effectively their leisure time in productive activities. However, I also think that others spend hours on watching television and playing video games.
On the one hand, young people spending too much time on non-useful activities like watching television and playing computer games has tended to increase recently. First of all, the young are attracted by television. There are various movie and entertainment channels like HBO, Cinemax and Disney Channel lead to the increase number of viewers, particularly for children. Some parents also encourage them to watch these programs because they afraid of danger of outdoor activities. Traffic and crime may threaten their children. In addition, the introduction of many kinds of games on computers such as online and 3D games affects the young. They only stay at home and use their own computers or laptops with the Internet. Especially, the cost of these ways is low and acceptable.
On the other hand, it is true that some young people enjoy take part in productive activities when they have leisure time. They feel funny and happy in community. They can make more new friends and expand their knowledge. Furthermore, joining sporting clubs greatly benefits the young. on maintaining health and keeping fitness. For example, tennis or football clubs require the members to move and practice. Therefore, they can maintain their health and keep fitness well. Besides, these activities help them to prevent diseases.
In conclusion, in recent years, although some young people have tended to relax by watching television and playing computer games as not good use of their spare time, others are likely to attend in productive activities. Despite of having the encouragement from parents and community, the number of the young spending hours on non-useful may increase significantly.
I really need help because i dont know my writing is right or wrong. Is it off topic? Please give me some ideas if it is wrong.
Do young people today make good use of their leisure time? Or do they spend too much time watching television and playing video games, instead of taking part in more productive activities?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge and experience.
To a certain extend I agree that some of young people today use effectively their leisure time in productive activities. However, I also think that others spend hours on watching television and playing video games.
On the one hand, young people spending too much time on non-useful activities like watching television and playing computer games has tended to increase recently. First of all, the young are attracted by television. There are various movie and entertainment channels like HBO, Cinemax and Disney Channel lead to the increase number of viewers, particularly for children. Some parents also encourage them to watch these programs because they afraid of danger of outdoor activities. Traffic and crime may threaten their children. In addition, the introduction of many kinds of games on computers such as online and 3D games affects the young. They only stay at home and use their own computers or laptops with the Internet. Especially, the cost of these ways is low and acceptable.
On the other hand, it is true that some young people enjoy take part in productive activities when they have leisure time. They feel funny and happy in community. They can make more new friends and expand their knowledge. Furthermore, joining sporting clubs greatly benefits the young. on maintaining health and keeping fitness. For example, tennis or football clubs require the members to move and practice. Therefore, they can maintain their health and keep fitness well. Besides, these activities help them to prevent diseases.
In conclusion, in recent years, although some young people have tended to relax by watching television and playing computer games as not good use of their spare time, others are likely to attend in productive activities. Despite of having the encouragement from parents and community, the number of the young spending hours on non-useful may increase significantly.
I really need help because i dont know my writing is right or wrong. Is it off topic? Please give me some ideas if it is wrong.