Graduate / "analytical and communication skills" - SOP for MA in Public Policy and Management [3]

Please help me criticise the final draft of my SOP before i submit it .

STATEMENT OF PURPOSE FOR MA SCHOLARSHIP IN PUBLIC POLICY AND MANAGEMENT.
State clearly your idea of how the proposed qualification will assist you in your planned career. Please give brief details of the skills that you expect to gain from this award and details of your professional plans after completing the award.

a. Objectives during the award

Response:

The actions or decisions taken by the government of a country shapes the lives of its citizens. Therefore, it is important for the decision making process to be very rigorous characterized by relevant evidence through proper research and inclusive participation of all stakeholders involved in order to foster development.

This has inspired me to pursue a career in public policy with special interest in international development. To reach the highest level in the public sphere and to influence lives of people around me, I need to have a firm grounding in the various factors that cause social change. An MA in public policy and management with special interest in international development from the University of York will afford me the platform to gain analytical, quantitative and qualitative data analysis, research and communication skills needed for formulating inclusive strategy policy.

During my studies, I intend to learn the contemporary issues in policy making and implementation and to fully understand the mandate of those charged with policy making.

b. Career plans in the next 5years

Response:

After my MA award, I look forward to working in a national or international organization dedicated to research and education in order to promote sustainable development. Like the National Think Thank Project in Nigeria

c . Long term career plans.
Response:
In the future, having honed my research, analytical and communication skills, I hope to work as program director on one of Nigeria's national program aimed at improving lives of people in poor communities and promoting development like poverty alleviation program

Please supply a personal statement of no more than 500 ways that summarizes the following:
a. Ways in which the scholarship will be enable you to make a fuller contribution to development in your country.
"Give someone a fish and they will eat for a day, teach someone to fish and they can feed themselves for life". This statement is generally welcome and it suggests that knowledge is in the hands of someone, but can be transferred to another who no knowledge on a particular area.

But what if the river dries up or there are no fish? This predicament calls for thinking outside the norm and finding ways for individuals to own their own knowledge, develop their own skills in order to achieve sustainable development

Example would be a case were external expertise are invited to teach women in a community how to make costume jewelry as a way of improving living standards, this process fails to be sustainable because raw material needed to create these jewelry had to be sourced from outside the community.

This would have not being the case if people had looked inward to access the assets and needs inherent in that community. For example there is abundance of clay mud in my community and women are already making clay pots locally, but if ideas could come up to facilitate better standards of clay pot production which can be exported out, I think it would generate income for the local women and they can be able to feed and send their children to school and this in turn enhances human development in Nigeria.

My keen interest in sustainable development started in my final when I became a member of National Association for women societies- an organization that promotes programs designed to promote health and reproductive right of women. And in my final thesis I wrote on the impact of the Paris club debt relief for the Nigerian economy. Through research, I got insight into to how the freed up funds will be used to achieve the millennium development goals.

With this scholarship award, I will be able to carry out rigorous research and formulate policy and strategy that is geared towards promoting capacity development. Apply gained knowledge on new and modernized ways of capacity development that are applicable to Nigeria and use gained knowledge to mobilize grassroots capacity for greater development.

Scholarship / Scholarship for MSC PUblic Health Nutrition- how to start? [3]

hi hameed.
have you thought of the problems /challenges of public health in your country?, The nexus between effective public health policies and development in your country? factors/actors that are involved in public health making decisions and their mandate? have you thought what must be done to strenghten public health nutriention policies in your counrty? where it should start from? who it should affect what the skills you are seeking to arquire will help you achieve in your country in terms of development? start from here .look at the schools syllabus or modules that should also help

Graduate / "To expand the horizon to Asian market" - MBA Application [8]

When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going! This is the saying that summarizes my entire journey from childhood till now.
Maybe if you put it this way, there will be a better nexus between the cliche and the information you are trying to pass out.

cliches are already boring, so they must be followed up by statements that engages the reader. so its not wrong to use cliches.

When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going.This is one saying that can summarize my journey through life, From an impoverished childhood to a successful working professional! something like that.

Graduate / "leveraging my existing knowledge and experience" SOP for MS in Technology Management [5]

Hello RamD,
Overall i would say good writing, very good sequencing of achievements and good build up. Your Essay was engaging. However there were so grammatical errors, and sentences i didn't quite agree with. i will treat them one by one. My corrections or suggestions will be in ( ) am new and don't know how to use the tools yet.

Increasingly, technological organizations rely for their success on individuals who can successfully manage technical teams.
(Increasingly, technological organization rely ON the success OF individuals who can successfully manage technical teams)

Whilst engineers increasingly need a range of management skills
(While engineers increasing need a range of managerial skills)

The 'communication gap' between engineers and managers must be closed if they are to work effectively together as team members with a common goal.

(The 'communication gap' between engineers and managers must be closed if they are to work effectively together in a team driven by a common goal.)

Thus, my future career goal is to be a technical manager in leading software Development Company and manage complex technical projects.

( In view of the foregoing, My career goal is to be a technical manager in a leading software development company, with the ability to manage complex technical projects.)

The body of your essay is quite good, you provided necessary information, but the use of "during this period" repeatedly doesn't seat quite well. Find alternative words that are more appropriate. Maybe "while working for ABC Company, i took courses that greatly improved my technical knowledge, as a result of this i was promoted twice."

(During this period, canceled) (As a Release Champion I was directly accountable for all the deliverables of the project...)

You need a few commas here and there. Your closing statement doesn't compliment the body of your Essay, it is too weak. Look into this.

Good luck