Writing Feedback / IELTS--politicians and scientists, who are more important to the society [5]

EF_Kevin
Frank zhao

I adjust my viewpoint according to your suggestions, and rewrite the article as follow:

If the society can be compared with a piece of artwork, then the politicians are the craftsmen who measure the size and frame it into the best condition to display its delicacy, while the scientists are artists who draw on the blank canvas and decorate it with color. Technically, it is hard to decide whose influence overtakes the other, when both of them are so indispensable to the society. However, if I have to choose one to name the greatest influence I would choose scientists, because their contributions are more profound and everlasting in human history.

Politicians, as elected by the citizens to represent their wills to manage their countries, their performances are guided by the social norms and public consensus to maintain the stability of the society. They enforce the rules to regulate and optimize the operation, for instance, the proposals related to tax or healthcare to accelerate the development of economy, or international mutual benefit provisions to improve the relationships between countries. Almost every decision they make actually reflect the tendency of social needs rather than their personal charisma.

Although the scientists, whose space is limited to laboratories and academic journals by normal people superficially, might not be renowned as public celebrities as politicians, their jobs mark every milestone in human history. Without their endeavor in experiments and explorations, we are still the chimpanzees who light the fire with wood and walk with four limbs on the ground. The inventions like computers, televisions and airplanes drive us into better living standards with the technological fuels to accelerate the speed, which can never be achieved by the politicians who follow the choice of time rather than lead.

In conclusion, a dull picture can not become a noble artwork no matter it is framed with gold or diamond, however, the real masterpiece will never depreciate even without the rim. Therefore, the scientists have more influence than the politicians.

Writing Feedback / Stay-at-home parents should be paid by the government? [5]

The first paragraph is kind of tedious repeat of the question, I suggest to use a short sentence to introduce the topic and express your standpoint concisely. Like:

Some parents choose to work every day in order to support their families while others determine to stay at home to take care of the families. Recently, a proposal about the government should pay stay-at-home parents is raised, with which I totally agree.

Writing Feedback / Undoubtedly, every mind has many senses, some use it in positive and some in negative way [7]

"In the other way, when some people disagree with, what we have explain above, because they believe that children should taught to co-operate rather than compete which is main thing which can make them more useful adults"

I would rather do it like this:
On the other hand, some people disagree with the idea of competition encouragement when they believe that children should be taught to co-operate, which is the main thing to make them more useful in adulthoods.

Writing Feedback / Air travel only benefits the richest people; airplane development - IELTS [4]

Hi Kevin, thanks for your reply. After checking the Essay Forum three times a day for three days, someone finally help me with my writing. Your suggestions are very helpful in improving my English grammar. I will keep practising.

Thank you again!