Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Air travel only benefits the richest people; airplane development - IELTS


imnotjolin 2 / 4  
May 4, 2011   #1
Air travel only benefits the richest people, majority people take no advantage from development of airplane.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Almost as soon as the aircraft was invented, people have never stopped their efforts in air traveling industry. Far less certain, however, is whether the endeavor in the development of airplane is particular served for wealthy minority or the normal majority?

While it is unclear if the progress achieved in the airline industry can actually change the lives of common people, it does decrease their cost of air travel for them. The intense competition between the different airline companies resulted from the advanced airplane manufacturing technology, forces the companies to offer discounts in air fares to stabilize their original market and attract new customers. Therefore the available cheap tickets expand the choices of majorities who focus on economical travel rather than the efficiency. In addition, the convenience of short-time travel provided by airplane is preferred to long-time journey on train when it comes to long-distance. Furthermore, as improvement of the people's living quality, air travel is no longer the privilege of rich people. Even some economical airline companies accentuate their target on ordinary people with advertising of low-cost airline tickets.

Despite the growing popularity of air travel, they still pose a huge budget for majority people. In some underdeveloped areas, it might take several years in saving before people can afford their first-time air tickets. Thus it is unrealistic for them to cheer for the achievement of airline development when it is so disconnected from their lives. It seems only the rich people who have bunch of leisure and spare cheques deserve the chance to enjoy the prosperity of airline.

From my own perspective, it might be exaggerated if we praise the progress on airplane for benefiting majority people, but given the frequency at which people travel through airplane due to the globalization, the air travel will have significant impacts in our lives.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 6, 2011   #2
Ha ha, hi I'm not Jolin, I like your username.

Hey, I think the plural of aircraft is aircraft. Isn't that strange? Google it to make sure...

But in the beginning, let's just call it "the aircraft" (singular) because it refers to a singular invention:
Almost as soon as the aircraft was invented, people have never...

...it does decrease their cost of air travel for.
For what? for them?
decrease the cost of travel for them.

use ing:
advanced airplane manufacturing technology...

...air travel is no longer the privilege of rich people.

Thus it is unrealistic for them to cheer for the achievement of airline development when it is so disconnected from their lives.

From my own perspectives perspective, it might be...
Great job!!! Please type it again with these corrections. Speak every sentence aloud slowly to help your brain remember the correct grammar. When you type it again, we will look to see where you still have errors. :-)
OP imnotjolin 2 / 4  
May 7, 2011   #3
Hi Kevin, thanks for your reply. After checking the Essay Forum three times a day for three days, someone finally help me with my writing. Your suggestions are very helpful in improving my English grammar. I will keep practising.

Thank you again!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 9, 2011   #4
After checking the Essay Forum three times a day for three days, someone finally help me with my writing.

That's because people ask for help more than they give help. I wish all the essayists would go help someone whose essay has not been answered. Even if people are not good at English, they can still leave a comment about the essay. Everyone feels better when someone has read their essay.

:-)

Let's work on the beginning again: People "never stopped" ever since the aircraft was invented. That is awkward. Let's do this:

During the time that passed since the aircraft was invented, people have never stopped their efforts in the airline industry.

Far less certain, however, is whether the endeavor in the development of airplane is particular served for wealthy minority or the normal majority?---good sentence!

Singular noun: "it"
Despite the growing popularity of air travel, it still poses a huge challenge for majority people because of their budgets.

You write very well!! Keep practicing with us, and please go help some other writers because most of them can learn from you. You have strong English writing skill compared to most people in this forum, so check out EssayForum Contributor Page.


Home / Writing Feedback / Air travel only benefits the richest people; airplane development - IELTS