Writing Feedback / children working at the early ages [8]

hi all dears,i myself practise writing more and more recently to make some progress in Ielts test,i sincerely hope that you can show me the errors and guess about my points

thanks in advance :D

In many nations,children are engaged in some kinds of paid work.some people regard it as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience ,important for learning and taking responsibility

What r ur opinion on this?

Children have recently been encouraged to obtain a part-time job which pay themselves wages.There are some people absolutely objecting to this idea while others on the rest argue that this issue will allow children to acknowledge such worthy things as:experience,learning skills and their own responsibility.I myself prefer the second view that children should be supported to work since childhood

One of the benefits gaining from starting a job at early age is that it brings in kids the self-confidence and self-reliance.As far as I know,schools nowadays have a tendency of teaching students theories and morality.Thus,children may lack some social skills and be unaware of future career's orientation.Synonymously,working environment will be the ideal place for them to accumulate their knowledge and living experience.For example,in some countrysides in Vietnam,kids are trained to practice hand-made products and according the amount of goods,they'll receive their own wages .Furthermore,they are not only maintain the traditionally specified career of that village but also inquire the union environment and soft skills which might never be taught at any school.

Another advantage of this issue is that the wages children receiving from work is a catalyst which allow them to appreciate the value of their attempts and efforts.Similarly,parents are capable of using this method to educate their kids indirectly and objectively.Moreover,it avoids situations that kids have been overindulged,which leads them to be spoiled.For example,some children coming from the high-class of society have a trend to boast about their material's abundance.This ,accompanies with their freetime,turning them to attain bad habits just like :choosing their boyfriends on internet,or joining some competitions about spending money as much as possible,underestimate their fellows..

To summarize,obtaining a job bestows kids maturity,working experience and soft skills...Parents should stimulate children to work themselves for the stable future beside the knowledge they're taught in schools.

Writing Feedback / Do traditional skills and way of life die out when a country develops with technology [7]

hi all dears,i'm a new member of this forum and trying to get the good mark in Ielts test.i hope you can help me to correct my essay.thanks in advance

Topic:when a country develops its technology,the traditional skills and ways of life die out.it's pointless to try and keep them alive.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays ,the boom of technology bestows the world upon human's comfort and the economic development.There are some people arguing that along with the these above issues are the lost of traditional customs and lifestyles whereas other on the rest considers the benefits gaining from technology would rather be appreciated.In my opinion,the second point seems more reasonable.

Firstly,it's undeniable that technology accompanies with the era of globalization and integration.This,and hence,is synonymous with the strength of improving technology in every country.Consequently,the maintenance of each nation's characters and religions without accumulating innovation will lead to the economic obesity and peoples' poverty,backwards.

For example,Japan is known as a country having a great deal of customs and traditions.However,if they only consisted of remaining these lifestyles without the progress in industry,there would be no such a prosperous Japan in Asia areas at this moment.

Moreover,there is an unjustice of blaming technology for the disappearance of traditional customs.It's understandable that traditions belong to the spiritual conception meanwhile the birh of technology stems from the demand of human and the revolution in global economy.As far as I know,there was a British survey whether to erase the royal system or not,replacing it by the government's mercy,almost all of the British replied they would rather remain the royal system as ancient history.This,and hence,reflects the quintessence of peoples' spirit.However,England is still one of the most powerful nations over the world.Undoubtfully,this is evidence for the harmonization of traditions and technological modernization.

In conclusion,technology brings in advantages to our lives rather than cause the disappearance of tradition skills and ways of life.The preservation of each nation's characters depends on their autonomy's controlling in integration's period.