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Posts by gbtl
Joined: Oct 13, 2008
Last Post: Oct 14, 2008
Threads: 4
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gbtl   
Oct 14, 2008
Undergraduate / 'Teachers and student relations' - Common App - elaborate on one of your activity [2]

Common App Short Question [not more than 150 words]

I first began tutoring younger students when I was 17. Eventually, I started volunteering as a student mentor at a nearby secondary school. We taught a wide array of subjects, ranging from English and Maths to Design. As a student mentor, I was also involved in the planning of group lessons as well as orientation programs.

After all these years, I have grown to realize and appreciate the mutual relationship teachers and students share. Through tutoring, I have discovered the joy of service to others. Looking at the gleeful faces of the students when they showed me their improved results made me satisfied. Tutoring others has also strengthened my own grasp of fundamental academic concepts, and has enabled me to develop good motivational skills. The lessons learned from my tutoring experience have certainly been invaluable and I hope that I can continue guiding others in the years to come. [149 words]

I hope that someone can help to improve on the flow of the essay. thanks!
gbtl   
Oct 14, 2008
Undergraduate / how does Penn make a perfect match for you? [4]

thanks for reviewing my essay. I have one more question. After cutting the frill, are there any other aspects of Penn that I should write about?
gbtl   
Oct 14, 2008
Undergraduate / 'Better grades' - Common Application - Significant Achievement [3]

Evaluate a significant achievement of yours and its impact on you.

"Your grades would have been much better if you had invested more time and effort in your studies." My father's incessant disapproval towards cyber-gaming hasn't surprised me at all. As with most Asian societies, the pursuit of academic excellence is widely regarded as the only path to success in life. The mainstream media has not spared the gaming scene either, often depicting it as a "vile corrupter of youths".

It had been three long years since my debut in the competitive gaming scene. I was only a rookie when I took part in the World Cyber Games, often hailed as the Olympic equivalent of e-sports, back in 2004. At that time, I started playing the real-time strategy game Warcraft 3 because it proved to be far more challenging than traditional turn-based games due to its emphasis on quick thinking. It was a little daunting at first as most of my opponents were older and seemed more experienced than me. Predictably, I suffered a humiliating defeat due to my inexperience and lack of confidence. However, I was determined to overcome the odds, and embarked on a grueling training regime that involved careful strategic analyses. My endeavors paid off, as I ratcheted up the gaming ranks, but somehow the gold medal always seemed to elude me - I had to make do with a silver in 2005 and my performance in 2006 was disastrous due to a stomach upset. With the imminent arrival of WCG 2007, I sensed that I could finally break this jinx.

For many nights, I had stayed up practicing my strategies and studying my opponents. Coffee had quickly become a companion of mine during these hours of pin-drop silence and pitch darkness in my neighborhood. On the night before the competition, I was exhausted, yet even that could not suppress the anxiety and anticipation within me. I called it a night barely an hour before the crack of dawn, and spared myself only a few hours of sleep before I was awake again.

My resolution to leave no stone unturned saw me rewatching my opponents' games just before leaving for the venue. After gobbling down my breakfast and receiving well-wishes from my family, I boarded the train headed for the city with my trusty keyboard and mouse safely tucked inside my backpack.

The games started soon after I arrived at the competition venue. My first three opponents did not pose a huge threat and I triumphed easily. For the first time in years, I smelt blood. I was not going to be a pushover for my lasting rival "Sheep", who was awaiting me in the finals.

Sheep was your typical teenage melodramatic antagonist - haughty, pretentious and scheming. Matches against him often included psychological warfare as he always tried to manipulate his opponents. Yet, Sheep's skill was irrefutable. He had steamrolled over me in the past few competitions and never failed to rub salt into my open wounds with his biting sarcastic remarks.

After both of us set up our equipment on stage, the games started promptly. As the countdown ticked from 5 to 1, my heart raced. The stakes were high and I could not afford to lose this match. The first two games were nail-biting and we ended with a tie. I had one final game to prove myself, and I understood the importance of maintaining my clarity of thought.

Our starting selection of units was similar in the final game but our play styles differed greatly. Sheep was an extremely aggressive player who preferred an offensive stance, whereas I adopted a more unorthodox and defensive approach. Initially, we were evenly matched but soon, Sheep started training more troops and went on the offensive. My forces were smaller in number as I was conserving my resources to train more powerful units. Unfortunately, Sheep managed to destroy a huge portion of my fortifications and cornered me inside my own base.

I was ready to throw in the towel, aware that my worst nightmare was becoming reality. Grief was slowly creeping into me. If I had quit the game, my WCG journey would end right then. Although the game was hanging by a thread, it was a thread nonetheless. Past experiences have made me aware that aggressive players have a tendency to play recklessly and I managed to capitalize on his complacency and urgency in trying to force a quick surrender from me. He lost focus, fell prey to my bait, and presented me the opportunity to turn the tides towards my favor, which I gladly took. Subsequently, it was an easy route to victory for me.

Although I was freezing in my jacket in the convention hall, sweat was trickling off my forehead after the intense game. I emerged from my booth to be greeted with a resounding applause from a thrilled audience. I spotted a few familiar faces and waved to them. Even Sheep, who still appeared perplexed at his loss, was uncharacteristically generous with his commendations for me. As I stepped onto the podium to receive my gold medal, it occurred to me with great pleasure that I had finally achieved something my parents could be proud of.

Today, that medal remains nestled in a corner of my desk, which currently houses other medals I won. Should I lose interest in gaming in future, I can at least revel in the pride that I was once a champion in this fraternity after all.

[about 900 words]

I have corrected this essay so many times. At first it was over 1200 words but I decided to cut down on a lot of details during each of the games as it was a little too long compared to the average essay. I wish to know how I should further improve on it to be better able to captivate the reader and get his/her attention. Thanks.
gbtl   
Oct 13, 2008
Undergraduate / how does Penn make a perfect match for you? [4]

Describe the courses of study and the unique characteristics of UPenn that most interests you. [not more than one page]

Picking the right college to spend the remainder of my youthful days is no mean feat. Some people end up regretting their decisions for the rest of their lives, and a handful have already begun yearning for greener grass on the other side of the fence. Naturally, selecting one's second home for the next four years of one's life will be a momentous and life-altering decision and there is no room for any mistakes.

Unlike many others who "fell in love with the impressive and distinctive architecture of their campuses", I must admit that my acquaintance with the Wharton School of Business is a result of many lazy Sunday evenings watching the popular reality television series "The Apprentice". An avid fan of the series, I was fascinated and inspired by the exhilarating lifestyle of business executives who were constantly being challenged by demanding circumstances and the exigencies of work. Meanwhile, I developed a great deal of respect for Donald Trump and read up on his background over the Internet, during which I learned about his alma mater, the University of Pennsylvania, and the top-notch education it provided. Subsequently, it subtly became my aspiration to be part of the community of the University of Pennsylvania.

Having spent my life so far in a metropolitan city like Singapore, I long for a refreshing change in lifestyle. It would be great to pursue my tertiary education in a place with an extraordinary cultural milieu. As America's first university, UPenn has a rich heritage and possesses the perfect amalgamation of the classic and the contemporary. The small town feel of UPenn together with its location in a big city like Philadelphia would allow me to enjoy the best of both worlds.

Another attractive aspect of UPenn is its multidisciplinary and flexible curriculum. Minimal restrictions on interdisciplinary programs, the array of art and science courses available, and the rigor with which they are conducted, appeals to my desire for an intellectually stimulating curriculum to familiarize me with the working world. As Singapore is a country with no other natural resources besides manpower, the Wharton curriculum will impart me the necessary skills to contribute to my country. A concentration in management will enable me to inspire and lead others around me in future while a concentration in real-estate will enable me to play a role in molding the urban environment in land-scarce Singapore. The vast options of extra curricular activities available have also left me spoiled for choice and I look forward to participating in a varsity sport along with dance.

True to its spirit of diversity, UPenn admits the largest number of international students in the Ivy League. This would provide a conducive environment for cultural exchange and social networking. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time spent during international cyber-gaming competitions where there were many opportunities to interact with people from various backgrounds. Such instances have allowed me to appreciate the diversity of cultures in different parts of the world, and learn more about exquisite intricacies of life beyond Singapore's shores. Consequently, I am looking forward to sharing experiences with international students during my time there.

Wharton also places a huge emphasis on the liberal-arts with its foreign language requirement policy. The French and Spanish languages have been of interest to me in recent times, and I am hoping to fulfill my linguistic pursuits in UPenn. Having acknowledged the importance of being conversant in several languages, mastery of the aforementioned languages, on top of English, Mandarin, Malay and Japanese which I am currently fluent in, will prove to be an asset in my future career. I also hope that I will be able to participate in the Wharton International Program, so that I can build a strong foundation for my linguistic skills and cultural understanding.

UPenn also provides strong support for its students with its various initiatives and schemes. The Wharton's Lunch and Learn series offered for undergrads caught my eye when I was surfing the Wharton web-page. Throughout my education, I have believed in establishing close relationships with my teachers and I hope to continue bonding well with my professors during my tertiary education years. It is certainly easier to learn from someone I can communicate with as I would be less restrained from clarifying any of my doubts.

In addition, my proactivity as a student will allow me to contribute to campus life. My experiences in teaching and tutoring will allow me to organize schemes to help other academically weak students who are unable to afford tuition services. I am also well-versed with competitive e-sports and can help to promote it on campus which will contribute to the development of a vibrant atmosphere and competitive environment in the university.

Having lived up to its reputation as a place where opportunities are granted and dreams are fulfilled, the University of Pennsylvania is the lush patch of grass I deem greener than the rest. I early await my admission to UPenn, where I can discover and harness my potential, and look no further beyond any fence.

I'm not sure if I am supposed to dive straight into answering the question or if I should give such an introduction about how I discovered Penn. I also did not elaborate too much on the courses which I intend to take so I am wondering if i have to add another paragraph. I'm more or less at the limit with almost 800 words so please tell me what I should omit if I were to include something else.

thanks
gbtl   
Oct 13, 2008
Undergraduate / Name a professor with whom you would like to study or conduct research with [5]

Hi heres my essay

I would like to study marketing and business under Professor John Z. Zhang to benefit from his valuable insights. The rise of China as an economic superpower will provide numerous business opportunities for all and I feel that as a Singaporean Chinese, I would be well-suited to link China to the rest of the world.

Zhang is well-versed with the workings of China's market and the decision-making processes of Chinese executives. His knowledge would be invaluable to my future endeavors in China's economic fraternity.

As a maverick, Zhang questioned the traditional Western idea that price wars are detrimental to industries in "The Art of Price War". He also explained the prerequisites of an aggressive pricing strategy. In a world rife with unoriginality and plagiarism, the diversity of views he can offer me would be ideal.

Zhang also proved that warfare is not irrelevant to business. Being very keen in military strategies myself, I look forward to engaging in stimulating discussions with him.

about the last paragraph: this professor mentioned similarities between pricing strategies and Sun Tzu's Art of War in his article "The Art of Price War". As someone who is involved in playing competitive cyber-gaming (real time strategy games related to war), I wonder if this paragraph is appropriate.
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