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Posts by isabella06
Joined: Jun 7, 2011
Last Post: Jun 8, 2011
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From: United States of America

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isabella06   
Jun 8, 2011
Undergraduate / UC ESSAY - determined to pursue a career as a social worker. [NEW]

prompt- Describe the world you come from-for example you family, community or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I want this essay to be the best it can please criticize harshy if needed.

On a Saturday afternoon at the ripe age of 13, I sat on my parents' bed engaged in the autobiography of David Pelzer, A Child Called "It". With every turned page I became mortified and enraged by the treatment given to an innocent child by those who were supposed to protect him. It was the second I finished the book I had an epiphany of what my life's work was to be. It helped me realize that there are countless kids all over the country that are maltreated and desperately need help. After reading the book, I gained a greater appreciation of the life I lived and was living because even though I couldn't relate to his exact feelings I was able to recognize that my life has allowed me connect my experiences with the needs of others. My childhood wasn't full of abuse or pain so I became intrigued at the idea of saving every child in the world. Reading the book became a pivotal moment in my life because it served as the switch in my mind that made me determined to pursue a career as a social worker.

My life is not a rags to riches fairytale nor is it composed of detrimental events that are incapable of overcoming; every occurrence in my life has served its purpose in allowing me to take those newfound realizations and apply them to my future aspirations. I don't pity my self for the incidents in my world I've endured up until now because they assisted in shaping my goals of giving back to my community by reaching out to those individuals who are in need of protection. Over the years of my young life I learned to accept scenarios in stride and use them as lessons learned that can apply to my future.

Despite how cliché "I feel in my soul social work is the right path for me" may sound, I say it with conviction. My dreams and aspirations were shaped by my life; I now have a refined perspective certain of who I was, who I am and who I will irrefutably become.
isabella06   
Jun 7, 2011
Undergraduate / My mother, my inspiration to become a nurse [4]

*At first it was a hassle trying to bring me in there because I hated seeing so many sick, unhappy people, but after a while I enjoyed going to visit them because I knew it would brighten their day.

-to me the word so was missing.
*Monroe College
-capitalize college

is this essay going to the addmissions officers?

It is a wonderfully written personal statement, i recommend to enhance your writing even further, that you go back and use higher level diction.

good luck with everything! :D