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My mother, my inspiration to become a nurse

Fionaanna 1 / -  
Jun 7, 2011   #1
My mother has really been my inspiration in becoming a nurse. She had always taught me to be kind and treat others how I would like to be treated. My mother is a visiting nurse who has taken care of many senior citizens. She would go to the homes of these elderly people and almost immediately one would see their face light up because they were so delighted to see her. Ever since I was a little girl I have gone to visit some of these people and they all have had touched my heart. When patients got very sick and had to go to the hospital my mother would bring me to visit them. At first it was a hassle trying to bring me in there because I hated seeing some many sick, unhappy people but after a while I enjoyed going to visit people because I knew it would brighten their day.

I graduated Mamaroneck High school in 2009. During my four years there I was involved in Girl scouts so I participated in a lot of community service. I would organize marathons for different types of cancers, and suicide awareness. I would also visit hospital to help brighten peoples days by bringing them their food, talking to them and even just being their for them. Although visiting is a good way of showing you care I want to do more.

The Monroe school of nursing has really caught my interest for a number of reasons. First reason is the "1+1" program where a student is able to complete their Practical Nursing program in the first year and their Registered Nursing in the second year I really like that it is so accelerated that way if I am accepted I can become a nurse faster and really be able to help people. The second reason being that I love learning how I can help people whether it is learning "the physical, biological, and behavioral sciences" or just the basic human needs. My third reason is that three of my closest friends were all accepted to the program and all three of them highly admire it.

I have a big heart, I am able to organize and lead organizations, fundraisers and walks because I truly care about helping others. I would love to be given the opportunity to study at Monroe college because I know that I can do anything I put my mind to.
isabella06 1 / 1  
Jun 7, 2011   #2
*At first it was a hassle trying to bring me in there because I hated seeing so many sick, unhappy people, but after a while I enjoyed going to visit them because I knew it would brighten their day.

-to me the word so was missing.
*Monroe College
-capitalize college

is this essay going to the addmissions officers?

It is a wonderfully written personal statement, i recommend to enhance your writing even further, that you go back and use higher level diction.

good luck with everything! :D
mstzizi92 2 / 6  
Jun 7, 2011   #3
This is a great start. But i think you should elaborate a little bit more. Perhaps write about the qualities(skills) that you must entail to become a nurse and add it to the body when you're explaining why you wish to become a nurse.

-- Hope this helps...
dhammika1973 8 / 18  
Jun 8, 2011   #4
Hey, nice attempt. I like this essay, I really enjoy it. You are greatly manage your feelings and then convert it to words.
Keep writing,


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