leileihon
Aug 6, 2011
Undergraduate / "the typical beach, Christmas, and ballet recital shots" - UC [2]
in attempts to
Being from a middle class family, there was not much money set aside to nurture this interest-so I had to get creative
the above sentence needs to be corrected...
"Being from a middle class family, I...." the being must describe you...not "there was not much money..."
An example of this is when I transformed a $2.00, too large men's shirt into an inspired women's dress.
this is a great opportunity to elaborate! how did you do this? remember "show, not tell" :)
My desire to clothe myself fashionably (or any other adj) if you don't include it, then you only have a desire to "dress yourself", which i think is a desire we would all have...since nobody wants to walk around "unclothed"...
sorry, don't have the time to finish it all, but this essay shows good potential :)
btw, try submitting this on collegeconfidential...you could get more feedback (that's what i'm doing right now)
in attempts to
Being from a middle class family, there was not much money set aside to nurture this interest-so I had to get creative
the above sentence needs to be corrected...
"Being from a middle class family, I...." the being must describe you...not "there was not much money..."
An example of this is when I transformed a $2.00, too large men's shirt into an inspired women's dress.
this is a great opportunity to elaborate! how did you do this? remember "show, not tell" :)
My desire to clothe myself fashionably (or any other adj) if you don't include it, then you only have a desire to "dress yourself", which i think is a desire we would all have...since nobody wants to walk around "unclothed"...
sorry, don't have the time to finish it all, but this essay shows good potential :)
btw, try submitting this on collegeconfidential...you could get more feedback (that's what i'm doing right now)