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Toefl Essay Topic: Telecommuting, working in an office? [4]
Hi, I just try to adjust some improper useages of your sentences, and the red rigions is the place where I correct your essay. So please check it out around these rigions carefully. In addition, I have to remind you that the structure of your essay still exists some problem, but I could not indicate it obviously in this correcting style. Hope what I have done useful to you.
Do you think telecommuting is more advantageous and common
than working in an Office? Different people will give different responses to this question
, depending on their own characteristics, emotional concerns, personal experiences and even educational backgrounds. However
, I strongly believe that working in an office is more
benefical . There are several reasons for my perspective as
follows:The first and foremost reason is that telecommuting
interrupts social relationships.
Social communication is one of the most important thing in human life.
Nowadays , our jobs cover our lives completely. After doing our duties, we have a very little time to do other things. Therefore,
working is very essential for us to communiace with others , and staying alone and
sharing nothing to anyone is not healthy for
human's pyschology. Just as the English proverb goes, 'There are some people who have the opposite view and prefer not to have any relation and do
their duities by themselves .
In the second place, besides building up new relations at work, working in an Office
provides you to join different kind of activities. Joining wine days or dinner organizations and going to sport centers, dance courses, concert organizations are
examples of acting together. When you work
alone in your home, you could
not be aware about such kind of things.
Last but not least, working in an Office
provides you
better environment to get
information about your job and
make new
progress in your profficiency. In addition, yo have a chance to discuss with your friends about one particular topic, and ask something that you have trouble in at work to the experienced employees. Job environment presents you
a chance to help your collegeaus and
get help from
them .
In conclusion, working in an Office is much more advantageous than telecommuting. The sense of helping
someone , joining activities with your colleagues,
socializing, and getting friends are the some good
ways Office environment brings to us. Therefore, I prefer to work with my colleagues and benefit from these good ways.
