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Posts by kiana
Joined: Aug 15, 2011
Last Post: Aug 16, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  

From: Islamic Republic of Iran

Displayed posts: 2
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kiana   
Aug 16, 2011
Undergraduate / Grandmothers - the angels of the earth. (B-CU admissions essay) [5]

These sentences don't sound right to me!!!!

wrong:She retired from the Cardiology Department at Cleveland Clinic Hospital in 1993 and returned back to the Department of Corrections in 1993-2003.
my suggestion:use either went back or return, I don't think return back makes sense.

wrong: Shehas always told me she loves me, even if I do forget to call her every once in a while.
my suggestion: She always tells me she loves me, even if I do forget to call her every once in a while

wrong:From stopping things that were not exactly positive for me to trying out for things that have allowed be to become a better person.

my suggestion:From stopping things that were not exactly positive for me to trying out for things that have allowed me to become a better person.

wrong:The most important way she has been there for me is by constantly praying for me. my suggestion: It doesn't sound right to me, but I don't know how to make it right

wrong:No matter what happens to her, me, or our family she has continued to lift my name in prayer and I am extremely grateful for her.

my suggestion:No matter what happens to her, me, or our family, she has continued to lift my name in prayer and I am extremely grateful for her.

note:my english is not that good, may be I'm wrong!anyway,good luck:D
kiana   
Aug 15, 2011
Writing Feedback / Books are not needed because one can read information on computers.agree or disagree [5]

It is an incontrovertible fact that computers have changed our lives in so many ways. In my opinion one of them is that we barely need books anymore, actually, we can have all the information we need on our laptops or computers. Some old fashioned people or as we can call them luddites hold the opinion that books are irreplaceable. I strongly disagree with them since I believe that nowadays people are more concerned about saving their time, money and natural resources than before and due to these factors they prefer E-books over paper based books.

In order to provide papers, we need to cut trees which leads to deforestation, and as we all know it has quite a few detrimental effects on our lives, namely decreasing level of oxygen in atmosphere and global warming. Due to the fact that youngsters care more about their environment, they try using computers for reading in order to decline the number of trees that are coming down.

Most of us like to drink or eat while reading books, so spilling a cup of coffee on our books seems like a frequent accident for most of us, but thanks to computers this wouldn't be a problem anymore. We do not need to be watchful from now on. About half of us are bespectacled, and when we want to read we spend a great deal of time looking for our glasses, computers have a good solution for this, by zooming in or zooming out you can adjust the size of words in a way you can read them without needing any glass.

Last but not least, wasting too much time on getting the book they like seems like a big struggle for bookworms to overcome with. First of all; due to traffic and not having a car of their own, they need to spend quite a bit of time and money to reach a library or a bookstore and second of all, they might not even get what they were looking for. E-books have solution for these issues as well, you can buy them by internet in just a second for the latter problem you can just read all the comments and reviews that has been written by readers and critics; and, find out that whether this is the book you were looking for or not.

To sum up, I believe in the future not far away from now, as we walk on the streets, there would not be any bookstores. As we all know the world is going into the direction of efficiency, green life; and, as I stated above E-books have all these features.
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