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Posts by yc9055
Joined: Aug 15, 2011
Last Post: Aug 31, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  

From: China

Displayed posts: 5
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yc9055   
Aug 31, 2011
Writing Feedback / people who go outside are more successful and happier than people who stay in village [2]

Where can people live a more successful and happier life? Stay in village, or go outside? When it comes to this discussion, some people think life in village could be more successful and happier. On the other hand, this idea is strongly opposed by some other group who hold the opinion that going outside is preferable. They argued with the evidence that the city can offer much more than a small village does. According to my knowledge, I'd like to live in a village rather than go outside.

First and foremost, we would surely encounter more opportunities if we go outside to some big cities, but more opportunities couldn't guarantee a successful and happy life. Challenges come along with chances. When we got more opportunities to choose, we will have to face more severe competition. For example, in a village, you may have to compete with hundreds people for a job. But in a big city, your competitors might be several thousands. Besides, the cost of living in a big city weigh much out than in a village. Statistics shows that 57% outcomers can't afford to buy a house in Beijing, and the number is even larger in Shanghai and Guangzhou.

On the contrary, the village can also be a place that provides success. With the development of society, villages are growing at an astonishing speed. By taking advantages of new investments and favorable policies, we can also find numerous ways to success in these emerging markets. Such as establishing your own business, or introducing some new projects.

More importantly, unlike people in big cities, those who choose to live in a village could spare more time to attend their families. For example, my uncle used to live in a big city three years ago and he seldom had time to come back to see my grandparents. Last year, he moved back and decided to work in our village. Now, his appartment is only 2 blocks away from my grandparents', he can come to see them whenever he wanted. I can truly feel that the relationship between him and my grandparents become more intimate.

As I've discussed above, living in a village can provide with numerous new opportunities, bond the relationship between families and bring harmony. So I strongly agree that people who stay in village could enjoy a more successful and happier life.
yc9055   
Aug 31, 2011
Writing Feedback / Roles of international sports events -ielts task 2 [3]

1. When an international sporting occasion like the football World Cup takes place
2. which passed over national borders
3. a large number of people will gather together in the host city for sport events
...
those above are minor errors.
what crucial is...your argumentation lacks of arguments!
you just list some of your opinions. but, give us more EXAMPLES to demonstrate/support your points!
arguments or examples will make your essay more convincing.

GOOD LUCK!
yc9055   
Aug 31, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Technology inspires children's creativity instead of weakening it. [6]

1. With the advancing technology, many things, which seemed impossible in the past, have come to realities.
2. people in the past would never dreamed of...
3. now, with the help of cellphone and internet, both of these can be achieved.
4. some people pointed out that...
yc9055   
Aug 23, 2011
Writing Feedback / "children should manage their own money at the young age" - TOEFL [4]

Agree or Disagree : in order to become financially responsible adults, children should manage their own money at the young age .

There is a general discussion on whether children should manage their money at the young age so that they could be financially responsible adults. as to this, different people may have different views due to their distinctive background, personal beliefs, emotional concerns and so forth. Those who advocate believe that it will cultivate the consciousness of financial management of children, people who critize argue that when children are not old enough, this pratice is not appropriate. Well, as far as I am concerned, I don't agree with this practice. my conclusion is reached from the following analysis.

In the first place, I don't think children at the young age could well manage their own money, they may waste it. Children like to get things that attract them most, such as fancy dresses, funny toys and delicious snakes. And most often the case, they soon lost interests in which that appealed to them at the very beginning. When they know they can possess all these with the money they have, they will spent on them without the least hesitation.

Besides, to let children manage their own money might somewhat mislead them and generally corrupt their values. When they spent money so arbitrarily getting what they want, they probably think money is the most useful thing in the world, and more likely, to show off in front of their friends how wealthy they are.

Admittedly, some parents hold the opinion that if children's money are taken away, it may deprive of the chance to let children become financially responsible adults. however, all these concerns are uncalled for, surely there are plenty other ways to achieve the purpose. for example, parents could set up a family education fund and contribute children's money to the fund for their further education. Or else, parents could tell children that there are lots of people who still live in extreme poverty, perhaps they can donate part of the money to help those in need.

In summary, based on the above-mentioned reasons, I don't agree children should manage their own money at the young age.

I AM BUSY PREPARING MY NEW TOEFL TEST. THIS IS MY FIRST ESSAY AND MY FIRST THREAD. I DO SINCERELY HOPE THAT SOMEONE COULD HELP ME IMPROVE MY ESSAY!

THANK YOU ALL!