Posts by Danny154 [Suspended]

Danny154

Oct 26, 2011

Writing Feedback / Are people overly influenced by misleading images? Score my SAT essay: [3]

I was a bit surprised by my essay score, and I'm still not sure what essentially I should work on to do better next time. The only thing I can think of is that maybe it's too short, but it seems to me this shouldn't be a main consideration. I copied the essay here, exactly as written in the test (I'm aware of some grammar and spelling mistakes). Please tell my how would you score this (from 1 to 6) and offer advice. Thank you.

===============
ESSAY PROMPT
The making of illusions--misleading images or ideas that appear to be authentic or true--has become the primary business of our society. Included in this category are not only the false promises made by advertisers and politicians but all of the activities which supposedly inform, comfort, and improve us, such as the work of our best writers and our most influential leaders. These promises and activities only encourage people to have unrealistic expectations and to ignore facts. Adapted from Daniel J. Boorstin, The Image

ASSIGNMENT
Are people overly influenced by unrealistic claims and misleading images?
================

We live in an age of information. Significant advancement in science gave us unprecedented quality and quantity of knowledge about the world we live in, and was coupled with advancement in technology, which made it possible to transmit and share this knowledge in the click of a button. However, the same technology made it possible to deliver tremendous amounts of lies and illusions, perhaps to the point of making our age the age of dissinformation as well.

The internet is obviously the most powerful example for this paradox. The convinience and speed with which one can attain information about almost anything, is truly amazing. Google, the famous search engine, plays a big roll in this phenomena. But if you search "Jews" in Google, the first result is a web site titled "Jew-Watch", the work of a delusional antisemite, spreading lies to people of his kind. Technology that makes it possible to spread knowledge, also helps spread ignorance around the globe.

But despite all of this, it seems that in the long run, the roll of technology in our society is positive. Even though it's hard sometimes to descriminate between true and false knowledge, it's better than having no information at all, and being limited to the narrow world of your imediate surroundings. Surely, skepticism and carefulness are mendatory now days, but that had always been the case. At least today, the one who uses these tools with great attention and an honest desire for knowledge and truth, can achieve more and better insight and understanding, than even the greatest minds who lived in the past, and who, relativly to us, lived in the dark.

Danny154

Oct 26, 2011

Undergraduate / The Wanting Child - character in fiction, historical figure - Common App Essay [2]

Hi Irene

Sometimes it's to good to keep the reader in suspense, keeping some information concealed, with only a few clues, until later the picture finally becomes clear. It seems that that is what you went for, talking in the first paragraph about someone you knew and have lost, and revealing only later that that someone is your father. However, suspending too much information can be confusing for the reader. The first paragraph leaves the reader with two questions, which I think is already too much: 1) Who is the lost person? 2) What children stories? (you wrote "these stories" but the reader doesn't know yet what "these" refers too, and it takes too much until he finds out). And maybe less significant but is also on our minds: why does the soap remind you of that person?

In other words, your train of thought becomes sensible really only near the end. Until then the reader has to keep in mind a bar of soap, a lost person, and children stories without knowing how those connect - this is too much to expect of the reader, who will probably just lose you.

I believe you need to better connect the different parts, to make the train of thought more consistent and clear. The following are just suggestions (this is of course a matter of opinion and taste):

1) Clarify from earlier on that your talking about your father.
2) Tell us why the that particular soap reminds you of your father.
3) Better connect "these children's stories" with the rest of the essay. For instance:

"...If He was still here, perhaps I would be able to better understand my fascination with children's books.

The children's books section in a bookstore is, to me, the most curious of them all. I often step into that haven..."

By the way, establishing Paul's sunrise as a symbol to which you later refer, is very good.

Danny154

Aug 15, 2011

Writing Feedback / Creativity essay - Human thought must be free, imaginative and even playful [NEW]

I wrote the following essay in 25 minutes, in preparation for the SAT. English is my second language, and so there are a few mistakes in grammar and spelling, but I copied the text just as it was written for authentic scoring. Does spelling come into account when scoring the SAT essay?

P.S
===
This prompt is taken from a test that I downloaded, I don't remember where from.
Does anyone recognize the prompt and know where there are answers to the test?

===================================================================

Prompt:

Given the importance of human creativity, one would think it should have a high priority among our concerns. But if we look at reality, we see a different picture. Basic scientific research is minimized in favor of immediate practical applications. The arts are increasingly seen as dispensable luxuries. Yet as competition heats up around the globe, exactly the opposite strategy is needed.

Assignment:
Is creativity need more than ever in the world?
=====================================================================

The ESSAY:

It is somewhat surprising but true that the greatest innovations in scientific though were achieved not merely through a methodic and technical procedure of accumulating facts and data, but also - and more importantly, mainly - by philosophic-like though experiments, and by the usage of imagination. The fact that this contradicts the popular image of science as perceived by most people, shows how much creativity as an important tool for knowledge and technology - and, therefore, general well being - had been underrated.

This kind of human progress is aspecially important in our world today, as we are facing many challenges previously unkown to humanity. With natural resources on the brik of exuastion - a dangerous situation conducive to great competition and thus wars and violence - we are in need of the great ideas that are essential to creating lasting well being. And if creativity is set aside in favour of seemingly more practicle activities because of our misconception about the practicle importance of theoretical, imaginative thinking, progress will not occure.

The famous science populizer, Carl Sagan, give a compelling argument of this sort in his latest book. He mentions the fact that the theoretical knowledge that made the invention of television possible, mainly the works of a Scotish scientist named Maxwell, was achieved through totally abstract, seemingly none practicle speculations. And if the queen of England had instead gathered the greates thinkers of the time and ordered them to invent a device that permits the communication of moving pictures, that would have never worked.

Human progress doesn't work in an intentional and rational fashion. Human thought must be free, imaginative and even playful in order for real progress to be made. And so with the great challenges that the 21st century has in store for us, we are in need for creativity more than ever.

========================

Thank you for your attention.