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Posts by Jack Ahn
Joined: Aug 18, 2011
Last Post: Aug 19, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  

From: Australia

Displayed posts: 2
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Jack Ahn   
Aug 19, 2011
Writing Feedback / How can a busy person have a healthy lifestyle? [NEW]

This is my 300 word essay about that question.

How can a busy person have a healthy lifestyle?
It is very hard to manage body healthily, especialy for people who have a busy life. But they also can manage their health. This assay will explain how a busy person can have a healthy life.

Firstly, having a healthy diet and eating regulary is good for keeping their health. Health diet contains many major nutritions, so it makes people healthier. Having regulary meals helps their body balanced. Although some busy people who do not have enough time do not have meals regulary, they also can have small sneck instead of their meals.

Secondly, managing their sleeping time is good enough to have a balanced life. if people who have a busy life set their wake up time and go to bed time, they can control their bio-rythm. A regular sleeping time will help them to feel their body lighter and clearer, when they wake up.

Finally, the most important thing is regular exercise. After finishing their work, simple execise will help their digestion and blood circulation. If they do not have enough time to exercise, they can do indoor exercise during workhour. For example, stretching is good for circulation, and they only go out with their friend in holiday; consquently, this keeps people moving and getting more fresh air than indoor.

These three suggestions are good for people's health who have busy life. The best way of making their life healthy is make a schedule of deit, sleeping time and exercise. This way will be good for making healthy life style.
Jack Ahn   
Aug 18, 2011
Writing Feedback / Could you live without TV? - Toefl iBT [4]

Hi, I am studying to be an engineer in Australia. This is the first time to edit someones' essay.
I hope this will be useful for you .

First of all, there are many alternatives foris an alternative to watch television, such as internetsurfing the Internet . With the latest technology, wepeople can easily find the informationsor and entertainments which we need from interestarouse people's interest . For example, ifyousomeone would like to knowfind more informations about an extinct animal,Youthey may have to watch the discovery channel on the television,.B ut the Internetcan easily help peoplewill interest you can ask any question you wantwith thier problems . With thean enormous database onlineonline database , youpeople can probably find almostall kind of answers for any question. N, n ot to mention,you can access with IPhone, IPad anywhere anytime.

I don't think using words, such as "I, you, we ", is good idea in academical essay, so I changed that.
"internet " -> always use "the Internet " capital 'I' .

Sorry,I could not edit blue coloured part.
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