Narsh
Sep 8, 2011
Undergraduate / "why we need purpose to be content" - Cornell A&S Supplement Essay [6]
You're right, thank you!
You're right, thank you!
Narsh
Sep 8, 2011
Undergraduate / To obtain my associates degree in Liberal Arts, military background - admission [6]
Be careful with repetition of words in the same sentences.
Throughout my life I have had many accomplishments due to hard work and perseverance, I have always thought of myself as a person who is both dedicated and driven. Two seperate ideas can't be separated by just a comma; if you want it as one sentence try a semi colon. Take away the exclamation point and you're set...good, concise essay!
Be careful with repetition of words in the same sentences.
Throughout my life I have had many accomplishments due to hard work and perseverance, I have always thought of myself as a person who is both dedicated and driven. Two seperate ideas can't be separated by just a comma; if you want it as one sentence try a semi colon. Take away the exclamation point and you're set...good, concise essay!
Narsh
Sep 8, 2011
Narsh
Sep 7, 2011
Undergraduate / "why we need purpose to be content" - Cornell A&S Supplement Essay [6]
Thank you! Any other advice would be appreciated too
Thank you! Any other advice would be appreciated too
Narsh
Sep 6, 2011
Undergraduate / "And they live happily ever after";Happiness is considered important in our life.Why? [5]
The content is there, and after those corrections already mentioned, it should be very nicely written/concise.
The content is there, and after those corrections already mentioned, it should be very nicely written/concise.
Narsh
Sep 6, 2011
Undergraduate / My intellectual interest, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to me-Cornell [5]
The english is a little weird. For example, it would be better if you wrote "One day, as a young child," instead of "As a young child, one day" . The content is good though
The english is a little weird. For example, it would be better if you wrote "One day, as a young child," instead of "As a young child, one day" . The content is good though
Narsh
Sep 6, 2011
Essays / "how do stories we tell about our families shape what we become?" - essay start? [3]
1st paragraph have examples of perseverance
2nd paragraph talk about your family and what perseverance has to do with them and you
1st paragraph have examples of perseverance
2nd paragraph talk about your family and what perseverance has to do with them and you
Narsh
Sep 6, 2011
Undergraduate / "why we need purpose to be content" - Cornell A&S Supplement Essay [6]
Hey so for the Common App essay stating: "Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you", I was wondering if it would be okay to use two experiences? For example, a "controversial" science research project I had+my moving after 10th grade both led to my interest in the human mind/neuroscience?
And here is my essay for the Cornell Supplement for A&S, which states:"Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study."
Any advice, edits, etc would be appreciated.
491/500 words
In December 2009, I was a sophomore at Croton Harmon High School and I had just found out that my family was moving yet again. My family moved plenty of times during my childhood-from India to New York, New York to New Hampshire, New Hampshire back to New York-but I never thought I would be leaving right in the middle of my high school career. We moved to East Brunswick, NJ, and through the lack of friends, communication with others and isolation, I became a recluse. I went from talking endlessly during school all my life, always getting "red cards" as a kid for being too outspoken, to not saying one word for hours on end.
My mind became numb by the time I started school in East Brunswick and the weeks just merged together. As I tried to make sense of these changes, and my own thoughts, I delved into some heavy reading (Pirsig's "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" and Plath's "The Bell Jar" to name a few), watched intro to psychology lectures by the likes of Professor Paul Bloom, explored the lessons recorded by Salman Khan, and even read various journal articles regarding depression, addiction, and the adolescent mind-In retrospect, all in an attempt to diagnose myself. I somewhat succeeded; because through this growth, I learned what truly interested me was the functioning of the human mind. What separates us from the countless number of species on this planet is the complexity of our mind. Our minds tell us to strive for a greater purpose, and look for a deeper meaning.
My greater purpose is to understand why we even need purpose to be content. I wish to dwell into the depths of the human mind, to understand depression, to rationalize addiction, to decipher the urges that cause us to exude hypocrisy and cast judgment. Just as how my interests have evolved and taken introspective turns, Cornell's academic structure would allow me to integrate my interest in the philosophical aspects of human action with the biological facets of neuroscience and psychology. I feel like I would flourish in Cornell and greatly benefit from Professors such as Dunning, whose interests in cognitive science and human perception directly coincide with mine. Despite my late interest in psychology, introductory classes such as "Behavioral and evolutionary neuroscience" and "Social and personality psychology" would help me segue from my more philosophical interests, into the vast field of neuroscience.
Despite frequently moving, I always attempted to control my education and in turn, my life. As a result, I have acquired a bias for the liberal arts-where I can rediscover our world through Kant's "A Critique of Pure Reason", mature alongside Prince Henry in Shakespeare's "Henry IV", while simultaneously reading a study regarding serotonin intake. As I continue to make sense of the endless changes that life brings about, I believe Cornell's A&S approach to liberal arts education will prove to be extremely beneficial.
Hey so for the Common App essay stating: "Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you", I was wondering if it would be okay to use two experiences? For example, a "controversial" science research project I had+my moving after 10th grade both led to my interest in the human mind/neuroscience?
And here is my essay for the Cornell Supplement for A&S, which states:"Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study."
Any advice, edits, etc would be appreciated.
491/500 words
In December 2009, I was a sophomore at Croton Harmon High School and I had just found out that my family was moving yet again. My family moved plenty of times during my childhood-from India to New York, New York to New Hampshire, New Hampshire back to New York-but I never thought I would be leaving right in the middle of my high school career. We moved to East Brunswick, NJ, and through the lack of friends, communication with others and isolation, I became a recluse. I went from talking endlessly during school all my life, always getting "red cards" as a kid for being too outspoken, to not saying one word for hours on end.
My mind became numb by the time I started school in East Brunswick and the weeks just merged together. As I tried to make sense of these changes, and my own thoughts, I delved into some heavy reading (Pirsig's "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" and Plath's "The Bell Jar" to name a few), watched intro to psychology lectures by the likes of Professor Paul Bloom, explored the lessons recorded by Salman Khan, and even read various journal articles regarding depression, addiction, and the adolescent mind-In retrospect, all in an attempt to diagnose myself. I somewhat succeeded; because through this growth, I learned what truly interested me was the functioning of the human mind. What separates us from the countless number of species on this planet is the complexity of our mind. Our minds tell us to strive for a greater purpose, and look for a deeper meaning.
My greater purpose is to understand why we even need purpose to be content. I wish to dwell into the depths of the human mind, to understand depression, to rationalize addiction, to decipher the urges that cause us to exude hypocrisy and cast judgment. Just as how my interests have evolved and taken introspective turns, Cornell's academic structure would allow me to integrate my interest in the philosophical aspects of human action with the biological facets of neuroscience and psychology. I feel like I would flourish in Cornell and greatly benefit from Professors such as Dunning, whose interests in cognitive science and human perception directly coincide with mine. Despite my late interest in psychology, introductory classes such as "Behavioral and evolutionary neuroscience" and "Social and personality psychology" would help me segue from my more philosophical interests, into the vast field of neuroscience.
Despite frequently moving, I always attempted to control my education and in turn, my life. As a result, I have acquired a bias for the liberal arts-where I can rediscover our world through Kant's "A Critique of Pure Reason", mature alongside Prince Henry in Shakespeare's "Henry IV", while simultaneously reading a study regarding serotonin intake. As I continue to make sense of the endless changes that life brings about, I believe Cornell's A&S approach to liberal arts education will prove to be extremely beneficial.
