Posts by plusminuszero

plusminuszero

Sep 18, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Korean Passion' - Unc Personal: What's your latest discovery? [3]

First sentence can be revised to, "Being an army brat, I've had chances

Combine "The most interesting thing I love about different cultures is their music. I have always had an interest in music made outside of the country, but none have had an appeal to make me want to support the artist or buy an album." TO The most interesting thing I love about different cultures is their musicbecause I have always had an interest in music made outside of the country, but none have had an appeal to make me want to support the artist or buy an album.

Extra "I" in the beginning of paragraph 2, sentence 1.

Because it was a music channel, I decided to give the show a try. (the word try seems too informal, but it's your decision to change it or not)

I believe you can take the comma between "which has a wide fan-base, ranging from Asia to Saudi Arabia" (3rd paragraph, 1st sentence)

Maybe you should list what kind of benefits Korean has on your goal of nursing.

This is a fragment, revise:
That one day listening to K-Pop has changed my outlook on foreign cultures for the better.

Have a statement that connects learning Korean, listening to K-pop to this concluding sentence:
Passion is what drives me and passion will help me to succeed.

I hope this helped!

plusminuszero

Sep 18, 2011

Undergraduate / Colors of my Community: How it has shaped me (UC Prompt #1) [2]

Hi guys, I need you to be honest about my essay. What is it lacking? Should I add more (It's only a total 374 words long)? Do I need the improve my conclusion? Am i writing against the rules of the UC Prompt? Things like that.

Really appreciate the help!

I am a part of all that I have met. My community has played a major role in shaping me the way I am, especially my neighborhood. Looking around my neighborhood, one would see houses of varying colors which deviate from what one would call a normal neighborhood. In contrast to the loud, exploding colors that the houses in my neighborhood have, it is quite peaceful, although this peace is sometimes interrupted by my Filipino neighbor who blasts his music through a stereo. Walking through my neighborhood, one would occasionally see an old lady who would promptly wave at you, which is normal until they see her after midnight and in which she eerily stares and proceeds to stalk the one who made eye contact with her. Gazing upon the other side of the street, one would see a normal lady with a normal looking house when in actuality, she owns a prostitution bar. To the right of her house, one would see an elderly Korean lady sweeping her driveway, which is also normal. However, her abnormality lies in her tendency to sweep her drive way twenty four-seven, rain or shine. These vast variation of traits of my neighborhood have greatly influenced my upbringing.

Just like the contrasting colors of my neighborhood, I have learned not to follow in other people's footsteps and to pave my own path. The Filipino man across the street has taught me that there is always a time to be loud and to speak up, and that there's a time when I should be quiet, attentive, and observative. The elderly women as well as the woman with the prostitution bar has taught me one important, universal truth; there is more than meets the eye, there are always two sides of the story. This has taught me to be open minded to every possibility of any given situation; to be skeptical not cynical, open but not gullible.

All in all, my community has deeply shaped me. I am the reflection of my community. All the traits of my community were implanted silently and gradually in me ever since I've been born. And for that reason, I firmly believe that my community vividly describes the world that I come from.