Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: The Consumer Dollar : Where it goes. (Pie Chart) [2]

Good job ! I am not good in writing English, but I have a small comment. You have described some proportions and rates with each others (for example Personal welfare pursuing, clothes and jewelry as well as private business and foreign travel constitute 16% of total expenditure while only 2 % was invested on one's educational development. Religion, charity and personal care made up the remaining 3%) and you didn't write what is the conclusion of these rates. For example, you can say that "Personal welfare pursing become less important with respect to Food and Housing).

Thanks
Yahia