Karl_with_a_K
Sep 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Mathematics and Life' - Cornell: Art and Science supplementary essay [7]
Okay, this is awesome writing. In my opinion anyways (whatever that's worth. meh.)
However, I found it a bit wordy at parts. "I am ecstatic at the fact that math equations are fundamental regulations which govern strict laws that are only yieldable correct solutions."
Perhaps something more like "I am ecstatic at the fact that math equations are fundamental regulations of strict laws that only yield correct solutions." (the definition of "regulation" covers the fact that it's going to "govern smth")
2nd, vocab use. Striate means to make something striped. I've not sure if it is the right term to say "striate my knowledge."
I loved your last paragraph, made a really deep impression. However your interest in Economics kind of just jumped out of nowhere, and then stayed there. It would be nice to add a few more sentences about economics.
(although you're already over the limit... consider switching these sentence for one that praises your interest in economics:
"I desire to study at the Cornell University's College of Art and Science to striate my knowledge of both mathematics and economics so that I can continue to pursue my interests. I wish to take advantage of the Cornell's exceptional Economics program and elevated math courses in hope of it satiating my craving for new knowledge." (they're repetitive) )
There were also a bunch of grammar / spelling mistakes. I was too lazy to mention each one, put it in Word spell check. it should suffice.
These are my thoughts, good luck to you. :)
Okay, this is awesome writing. In my opinion anyways (whatever that's worth. meh.)
However, I found it a bit wordy at parts. "I am ecstatic at the fact that math equations are fundamental regulations which govern strict laws that are only yieldable correct solutions."
Perhaps something more like "I am ecstatic at the fact that math equations are fundamental regulations of strict laws that only yield correct solutions." (the definition of "regulation" covers the fact that it's going to "govern smth")
2nd, vocab use. Striate means to make something striped. I've not sure if it is the right term to say "striate my knowledge."
I loved your last paragraph, made a really deep impression. However your interest in Economics kind of just jumped out of nowhere, and then stayed there. It would be nice to add a few more sentences about economics.
(although you're already over the limit... consider switching these sentence for one that praises your interest in economics:
"I desire to study at the Cornell University's College of Art and Science to striate my knowledge of both mathematics and economics so that I can continue to pursue my interests. I wish to take advantage of the Cornell's exceptional Economics program and elevated math courses in hope of it satiating my craving for new knowledge." (they're repetitive) )
There were also a bunch of grammar / spelling mistakes. I was too lazy to mention each one, put it in Word spell check. it should suffice.
These are my thoughts, good luck to you. :)
