lively
Oct 9, 2011
Undergraduate / More Than Notes and Chords-Commonapp Essay [2]
Sounds really weird. The front and back doesn't match.
Sounds really weird. The front and back doesn't match.
lively
Oct 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / About my first day in america and my longest and happiest day of life [4]
Whooo, you have a lot of bad sentences, and you need more quotation marks.
Whooo, you have a lot of bad sentences, and you need more quotation marks.
lively
Oct 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / (Nodame Cantabile) - My movie presentation exercise [5]
And you need more detail like What happened before They went to france, how did they meet or whatever...
And you need more detail like What happened before They went to france, how did they meet or whatever...
lively
Oct 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / (Nodame Cantabile) - My movie presentation exercise [5]
And the girls name is Nodame, who is the main character.
And that boy's name is Not Qian Qiu, his name is Chiyaki Shinchi.
It has a wrong theory.
And the girls name is Nodame, who is the main character.
And that boy's name is Not Qian Qiu, his name is Chiyaki Shinchi.
It has a wrong theory.
lively
Oct 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / My memory of my room-Second Home, Here [2]
Whoop. Click. Clang. Whoosh.
The Big Blue Door, opened with the sound of the wind, opened the door to my second home. The house was white, like if an avalanche covered the whole place with snow. It smelled fresh, the smell of fresh laundry, the sound of cars passing by, from compacts to big trucks, and it tasted like this only one place in the world. It tasted like Home.
"I am hungry. Let's eat." My grandma said, her voice, filled with eager to eat food.
"I feel hungry too, let's grab something to eat. I can eat a horse if I can." I said, with my stomach growling.
"OK. Let's eat something. Mom, I bought enough supplies in the refrigerator. Let's cook." My mom shouted to grandma.
So my mom and my grandma went into the kitchen. And they began cooking the most delicious food ever! I was on empty stomach! They cooked Kalbi (Korean BBQ), Sagol (Boiled Cow Bone Soup), and more stuff that I crave for, such as stuff like Kimchi, Jangjorim, etc... and It was all Delicious.
This was our "1st annual Family Dinner". I ate so voraciously; I ate nearly 50% of the food. Because of this tragedy, I grew a little chubbier. We finished our delicious food and really awesome family dinner, and then we started to explore the house.
First, I went into my bedroom. The apartment only has a bedroom, so my grandma and I decided to use it. It had a big black bed and a mattress on the bottom. It felt warm, and when you lay on the bed, the bed makes you feel like you are floating in the sky with soft cottons.
"James! James! Get OUT of your daydreams and let's explore!" My mom and my grandma shouted, because I think I was kind of snoring.
"I bet that the bed is too comfy for me." I said, in a jokey voice.
Everyone Laughed.
"I like the floor with my heated blankets. I'll take the floor." Grandma said to me and my mom.
"OK." My mom and I responded back to grandma.
When I went in, the bright sunshine kissed my face as I opened the curtains. There were objects, like plush animals and warm blankets to make me feel like I was home.
Wait, no, not really, this was my home.
This was my second home. I was home.
Any Suggestions for me about my essay?
Like Details or grammar, anything.
And Thank You for your effort.
Whoop. Click. Clang. Whoosh.
The Big Blue Door, opened with the sound of the wind, opened the door to my second home. The house was white, like if an avalanche covered the whole place with snow. It smelled fresh, the smell of fresh laundry, the sound of cars passing by, from compacts to big trucks, and it tasted like this only one place in the world. It tasted like Home.
"I am hungry. Let's eat." My grandma said, her voice, filled with eager to eat food.
"I feel hungry too, let's grab something to eat. I can eat a horse if I can." I said, with my stomach growling.
"OK. Let's eat something. Mom, I bought enough supplies in the refrigerator. Let's cook." My mom shouted to grandma.
So my mom and my grandma went into the kitchen. And they began cooking the most delicious food ever! I was on empty stomach! They cooked Kalbi (Korean BBQ), Sagol (Boiled Cow Bone Soup), and more stuff that I crave for, such as stuff like Kimchi, Jangjorim, etc... and It was all Delicious.
This was our "1st annual Family Dinner". I ate so voraciously; I ate nearly 50% of the food. Because of this tragedy, I grew a little chubbier. We finished our delicious food and really awesome family dinner, and then we started to explore the house.
First, I went into my bedroom. The apartment only has a bedroom, so my grandma and I decided to use it. It had a big black bed and a mattress on the bottom. It felt warm, and when you lay on the bed, the bed makes you feel like you are floating in the sky with soft cottons.
"James! James! Get OUT of your daydreams and let's explore!" My mom and my grandma shouted, because I think I was kind of snoring.
"I bet that the bed is too comfy for me." I said, in a jokey voice.
Everyone Laughed.
"I like the floor with my heated blankets. I'll take the floor." Grandma said to me and my mom.
"OK." My mom and I responded back to grandma.
When I went in, the bright sunshine kissed my face as I opened the curtains. There were objects, like plush animals and warm blankets to make me feel like I was home.
Wait, no, not really, this was my home.
This was my second home. I was home.
Any Suggestions for me about my essay?
Like Details or grammar, anything.
And Thank You for your effort.