Undergraduate / getting a part-time job - U of I admission essay [NEW]

Please proofread and critique. You can be brutally honest with me because I want this to be perfect. Feel free to add or change anything!

The Essay Question:
In 300 words or less, choose a extracurricular activity, work experience or community service and explain why you chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.

As I entered my junior year of high school, I knew it was time for me to take that extra step to getting a part-time job. At the age of 15, it was hard asking parents for things you wanted versus things you needed. By getting a part-time job, it prevented the constant rejection. With a job, I could provide for myself, when and how ever I desired.

When I began working, it felt good to receive a pay check every two weeks and to know that I had actually earned the money myself made it all the better. But even though it was rewarding, it definitely was not easy. I had to overcome the temptations to spend my money on things like the newest designer clothes, but instead save and invest it. In a way, my job taught me how to budget my money among other things. I learned people skills as well as time management skills and how to prioritize.

By being in high school, I had homework and there were extra-curricular activities that I participated in, as well as my many friends who enjoyed hanging out. So I had to learn to manage my time between my academic school life, my social life, and my work life. Not to mention I had to prioritize because many times things tended to overlap, which meant I had to chose which was more important. Which leads me to my next developed skill of planning, in order to prevent events from overlapping. No longer could I just do something at the spur of the moment. With my busy life, a planner became my best friend. But that was fine because working, for me, not only gave me a paycheck and greater independence, but it gave me magnificent skills I will carry with me throughout my life.

Thanks,
Ashley

P.S. Please no copying guys. Cheaters never prosper...LoL.

Undergraduate / the passion for mathematics and sciences - U of I admission essay [5]

Please proofread and critique. Be brutally honest because I want this to be perfect. Feel free to add or change anything.

What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the university community?

Here is my essay:

As a young child, I was known to be an annoyance because I always asked many questions. Every time someone would explain something to me, I would respond by asking, "Why?" As I got older, I did not look for others to find the answers to my questions; I began to search for the answers myself in hopes to be able to one day pass my own knowledge to others.

This way of life progressed when I was at the age of puberty. When I hit my puberty stage, it opened my eyes to the female body and how it works. Everything from the female reproductive organs, cancers of the breasts, conceiving offspring, delivering babies, to even STDs became rather fascinating to me. Because of this, I chose to be a gynecologist/obstetrician for my career. In that career one is constantly researching, learning, and passing on knowledge to other women in hopes to treat them and better their lives. While being patient, understanding, polite, and most importantly, a great listener. All the qualities which I possess.

Also with this career must come the passion for mathematics and the sciences. With any medical field, gynecology/obstetrics requires one to take many classes of both subjects. Those subjects, for me, are very challenging. But that is the best part because there is never a dull moment with them. In fact, in high school I faithfully took both mathematics and science classes each year. Not because I was forced to, but because they are every bit as exciting to me. I will most definitely continue to pursue that path at the University of Illinois- Urbana.

Also it has to be 250 words for them. N im going to need help shortening it. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME!!! Please and thank you!!! I really appreciate it.