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Posts by epd101
Joined: Oct 24, 2011
Last Post: Oct 25, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  

From: United States of America

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epd101   
Oct 25, 2011
Undergraduate / "major in unafraid"- this is my BARNARD essay [2]

The content is great! I really like how it conveys it's message on a personal level!

Just a few technical errors I noticed:

"thing" in the second line should be changed to "things" because so your verbs and nouns agree.

"It hasn't been a day where I had" should be "There hasn't been a day where I had"

Formal essays should not have conjunctions in them such as "it's" and "hasn't". It is better to just say "it is" or "has not".

The "whether it is a math problem" might sound better with "whether it be a math problem"

Great essay, and good luck!
epd101   
Oct 24, 2011
Undergraduate / "My experience in Magic the Gathering" Common App prompt [2]

It is about 970 characters already, so I cannot add much more but I am able to revise and or cut out parts.

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

Throughout my life, I have always possessed a deep fascination and passion for strategy games, such as chess or risk. However, it was not until I was thirteen did I discover Magic the Gathering, a highly complex strategy game somewhere between chess and poker. Magic mainly tests your ability to do three things; observe your opponent's body language; apply risk-payoff theory; and analyze a system multiple ways, then exploit its weaknesses. Though young, I quickly learned and designed my own strategies, competing with thousands of players, most of whom more than twice my age. Little more than a year later, when I was fourteen, I won the Star City Games $5,000 Open Tournament, becoming the youngest player ever to win a professional tournament. Since then I have won many tournaments and ranked in the top one thousand players out of nearly six million worldwide. More important than money however, Magic taught me to observe and analyze critically on both a micro and macro level.
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