jstark93
Oct 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I spent one month living in the street' - admission ucf [5]
like a table with amissing leg. Change the first sentence. Dont say "like it was yesterday" It is too cliche, too hackneyed, try a different, less overused expression because it will make u sound more original and creative to an admissions officer, example, When I wake up every Tuesday morning, I remember January 12,2010. or January 12,2010 is a day forever seared in my mind. or even more creative
Every hour, my mind never fails to remind me of January 12,2010 or anything more original u can think of that can capture how significant the day was. I remember it like yesterday, just doesnt work for me.Your punctuation need to improve
I admit that I confronted many obstacles, my first months were not stress-free, I had to get used to live away from my parent, I had to familiarize myself with the language, I had to make new friends and adapt with the school
The puntuaction here is not good. you can put commas and then start new sentences with new subjects and predicates.
Revision: I admit that i confronted many obstacles. My first months were arduous and stressful: i had to adapt to living away from my parents, to familiarize myself with the language and to make new friends.
However, the benefits were worth the cost. Please revise the punctuation of the whole essay, it is simply not adequate, too many run-ons
Your essay, is nonetheless, interesting and your values and experience should definitely appeal to any admissions officer. Just be more creative and grammatically adept when writing it.
like a table with amissing leg. Change the first sentence. Dont say "like it was yesterday" It is too cliche, too hackneyed, try a different, less overused expression because it will make u sound more original and creative to an admissions officer, example, When I wake up every Tuesday morning, I remember January 12,2010. or January 12,2010 is a day forever seared in my mind. or even more creative
Every hour, my mind never fails to remind me of January 12,2010 or anything more original u can think of that can capture how significant the day was. I remember it like yesterday, just doesnt work for me.Your punctuation need to improve
I admit that I confronted many obstacles, my first months were not stress-free, I had to get used to live away from my parent, I had to familiarize myself with the language, I had to make new friends and adapt with the school
The puntuaction here is not good. you can put commas and then start new sentences with new subjects and predicates.
Revision: I admit that i confronted many obstacles. My first months were arduous and stressful: i had to adapt to living away from my parents, to familiarize myself with the language and to make new friends.
However, the benefits were worth the cost. Please revise the punctuation of the whole essay, it is simply not adequate, too many run-ons
Your essay, is nonetheless, interesting and your values and experience should definitely appeal to any admissions officer. Just be more creative and grammatically adept when writing it.