Undergraduate / "Watching the sun rise from Mount Fuji" Common App [4]

I think that I made it too much like a narrative
All help is appreciated

Common App Essay 250-500 words
1. Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethnic dilemma you have faced and its impact on you
As I looked at the horizon expectantly, I gave my watch another look and then went to sit down with my family. We had been at the summit of Mount Fujiyama for two hours, we had hiked up the mountain for two days hoping to see the sun rise or as we called it the goraiko. As we sat in waiting we talked about our journey up the mountain. My grandfather chuckled at the looks of disbelief on our faces when he told us that he had climbed the mountain in 2 hours when he was young, and we had taken so much more time to get up to the summit. We had gotten off the tour bus two days ago and had agreed to take the Yoshida route instead of going to the Subashiri 5th station like everyone else. This was because we wanted to take the traditional route taken by pilgrims 500 years ago. So like the pilgrims we went to pay respects at the Sengenjinja, purifying ourselves by washing our hands and legs and then paying our respects to the Shinto goddess and protector of Mount Fuji. As we walked up the trail we went past many old shrines and we often rested at teahouses along the route drinking tea while admiring the environment around us even seeing a black bear at one time. Walking along the route gave us a chance to finally have some quality family time with nothing in the way. We had fun laughing at each other's corny jokes, noticing animals. Further up we passed many torii which are traditional gates to shrines and we saw so many of them as we walked, their colorful structures contrasting with the green of the forest. When we finally reached the 5th station at Subashiri we were exhausted and so we got a little sleep at the station which actually sold compressed bottles of air for climbers with altitude sickness. When we began our journey again there were such heavy winds and my parents asked us whether we wanted to wait after the sunrise but we remained staunch and so we hiked on. The winds constantly nipped at our exposed faces and it began to get foggier as the altitude increased but finally we all made it to the summit and proceeded to rest along with the other climbers that had gathered there. And as we finished talking we heard people get up, and as we turned around we watched as the sun slowly poked its way through the cloudless skies and out of the horizon. I thought to myself "This was definitely worth everything".

Thank you!!!

Undergraduate / "The teachings of my grandfather" Villanova supplement essay Early Action [3]

Villanova University At least 1 page (double space)
1. One of the principles of Villanova, as an Augustinian university founded on the teachings of St. Augustine is that students and faculty learn from each other. As you imagine yourself as a member of the Villanova community, what is one lesson that you have learned in your life that you will want to share with others.

Before my grandfather passed away, I would always visit him during school vacations eager to go on adventures with him and also listen to him tell his many stories. During my many visits he would do so many fun things like bringing me to the Ghibili Museum to see the characters from my favorite movies at the time, or teaching me judo moves since he was a Sandan or third grade black belt. My grandfather also taught me the seven virtues of bushido which was the samurai's moral code, rectitude, courage, benevolence, respect, honesty, honor, and loyalty stressing that I live by it everyday so I wouldn't fall from the path of right and into the path of wrong. For my grandfather honesty and honor were the most important and he would always tell me "Bushi no ichigon kintetsu no gotoshi" which literally meant a warrior's word should be as unchanging and as reliable as the gold in his purse and the steel of his sword and so if I must say something than I should mean it with all of my heart. I wanted to be so much like my grandfather that I embraced everything he taught me wholeheartedly. However my world completely flipped over when my grandfather passed away from a heart failure. The last time I was with him I made him a promise that I would uphold his values and teachings in order to be a good man like him. When he passed away I tried to live by his teachings everyday, but there were times when I feel like I had forsaken my grandfather through my actions. One of these times was during my 8th grade year when I had broken my teacher's favorite figure and I lied when she had asked me about it. I had felt bad when I first told the lie but as time went on my memory went back to me making that promise to my grandfather on his deathbed and I felt like I had dishonored myself and my grandfather which made me sick to the stomach thinking I would stoop so low as to do such a thing. And so I told my teacher the next day apologizing for my actions and getting extra work to do. As I did my extra work I felt that the work was worth it since I had restored my honor and had upheld the values of my grandfather.

Thank you!!!!!

Undergraduate / "My trip to the museum" University of Virginia supplement- Early Action help [4]

University of Virginia 250 words
What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled or challenged you and in what way?

My mother and I walked past the big fountain through the large doors of the Honkan, the main gallery of the National
Museum in Tokyo that looked out of place in comparison to the city around us. I slowly began to adjust to the dimmer, but more relaxed interior lighting, growing calmer with every breath as the sounds of echoing slippers in the hall rang dominant in my ears. My mother and I walked through the various halls, and finally entered into a gallery of paintings from all periods of Japanese history. As I swept my eyes around the hall they suddenly focused on a drawing that beckoned me to take a closer look. The painting I remembered was an original copy of the Great Wave off Kanagawa, drawn by the Japanese artist Katsushika Hokusai as part of his 36 Views of Mount Fuji series. I was unsettled by the drawing because of the way that Hokusai had depicted the ocean waves in the painting. The way the ocean waves seemed to have so much power over the boats and their fishermen that it made me rethink everything about the potential of nature's wrath and might. It made me think that maybe humankind isn't as all power as we assumed. And then I heard my mother's voice penetrating into my consciousness telling me to leave. And so as we left the exhibit I gave the painting one last fleeting glance before following my mother's soft footsteps away.

Thank you!!!!!