Essays / Activity essay on the Common App question; should it be more straightforward? [3]

I don't know the best way but I can offer how I wrote mine:
Mine is a reflection on a comment I made to my parents after coming in last in a track meet back in the 7th grade. I go on to explain that I did not know the weight of my statement but I had, without knowing, made a mature/enlightened statement that I had gotten a "personal record." I was ecstatic. I did not even think to be upset about my place in the race.

So basically I wrote about my love for running and my positive attitude in one nice, tidy little paragraph.

Writing Feedback / 'Heer - Ranja' - immortal love story [5]

loved it!
i just noticed, however, a sentence fragment:
"Even become the reason for the next one."