Undergraduate / 'Family, Years ago, in China' - UW Personal Essay [2]

Please help me revise my essay!

Prompts:
Discuss how your family's experience or cultural history enriched you or presented you with opportunities or challenges in pursuing your educational goals.

- OR -

Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

Some say that family is always there for you. But it isn't always the case.

Years ago, in China, my paternal family was very loving; they cared about each other despite poverty and communism. Later, they immigrated to America for economic opportunities and political stability.

Due to cost, they left my dad, the eldest son, in China. Dad became scared, lonely and depressed; he gradually developed a mental disorder. A year after they left, Dad met Mom. His mental deterioration surfaced only after they married. A few months later, they joined his family in America.

Dad's family instantly blamed Mom, calling her a jinx. Soon after coming to America, Mom gave birth to my brother and me. Since we were born, we have lived with Dad's family. Yet, despite living together, Grandfather hardly paid attention to us. Later, I learned that Grandfather despised my family. He blamed Mom for everything and called her unlucky. Not only did Grandfather dislike Mom, he also disliked me.

When I was young, I would go upstairs toward his section of the house. But every time I set foot upstairs, he yelled at me and threatened me with a bamboo stick. He only allowed me to go upstairs to play with my paternal cousin. Even then, I was isolated from him. When we ate, I always ate in the kitchen by myself while Grandfather fed my cousin in the living room.

A few years later, I became more independent as Mom gradually became less involved with our family. At ten years old, I learned to cook, clean and take care of the house. I took some of the responsibility from Mom so she could focus on her job (Dad was unable to work). But when I was twelve, Mom unexpectedly told me she was divorcing Dad because she could not handle the burden of being mistreated anymore. I knew Dad could not take care of himself, and my older brother did not have the will to take care of someone else. So the weight fell off Mom's shoulders and onto mine. I became the caretaker for my brother and father, fulfilling both roles of a mother and a wife.

Our income came from Dad's disability so we were struggling economically. I watched our expenses and managed school. Each morning, I awoke extra early to cook for my dad and brother, went to school, completed homework, and did extra chores. I continue to work extra hard because I want a better future for my family and for myself.

Six years have passed since Mother left. Through the years of forced responsibility, I occasionally envied those with a real childhood. I was a child who did not depend on anyone; instead, others depended on me. My classmates often asked me to visit them, but I always told them I was busy. I missed play dates and the freedom to concentrate solely on my homework, but I will not miss the opportunities available through higher education.

I want to learn. With an appropriate degree (counseling, social work or public policy), I know I can help others. My friends often call me a good listener - someone they turn to with their problems. Knowing I have the ability to help others has provided me with a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, something I missed with my emotionally distant family. Perhaps listening to others' problems also allowed me to escape my own. Yet, even as I listened and gave advice to others, I wished I had someone to turn to, to help me out. I wish I had the voice to express my feelings to others. I do not want others to go through what I did - lacking someone to turn to because of cultural separation, family dependence and self-esteem issues. College will be the place where I can gain knowledge, find my voice, and, in turn, help me help others.

Undergraduate / 'the expansion of my ability to help others' - Washington Personal Essay [3]

Please help me edit and leave comments! Thanks in advance!

UW Personal Statement Prompt: Describe an experience of cultural difference, positive or negative, you have had or observed. What did you learn from it? (500-650 Words)

Many say family is always there for you, but I don't find it very true. In China, my family was very loving and caring despite the hardships caused by poverty and communism but they were forced to immigrate to America due to the lack of money. The family decided to leave my dad because he was the eldest son. After months of being scared, lonely, and depressed, he gradually developed a mental disorder. A year later, my dad met my mom. No one noticed the developing mental disorder until they got married. My dad's side of the family found out and instantly blamed my mom. Soon after, my mom had my brother and me. From when we were born till now, even though my grandpa and my family lived together, he hardly ever paid attention to us. I grew up not knowing my grandpa despised my family. He would blame whatever he could on my mom and call her unlucky. Not only did my grandpa dislike my mom, he also disliked me. I would always go upstairs to where he lived, to play, but every time I tried to set foot, he would yell at me and scare me with a bamboo stick. The only times he allowed me to go upstairs was to play with my cousin. But even then, I was isolated from him. When we ate, I always ate in the kitchen by myself while my grandpa would feed my cousin in the living room. A couple years later, I learned to become more independent but my mom gradually became less and less involved with our family. At the age of 10, I began to learn to cook, clean and take care of the house. I took some of the responsibility from my mom, so she could focus on her job because my dad was unable to work. At the age of 12, my mom unexpectedly told me she was going to divorce my dad because she couldn't handle the burden anymore. I knew my dad couldn't take care of himself and my brother didn't have the will of taking care of someone else, so I took the weights off my mom's shoulder and placed it onto mine; I took the role of a mother and a wife. But even with the weights placed onto my shoulder, we struggled economically. My dad had to collect money from the government. I had to watch our spending and manage school. It was difficult waking up extra early to make food for my dad and brother, going to school, and coming home with homework and extra chores to do. I knew I had to work extra hard because I wanted a better future for myself; I didn't want to live through the experience again. Through the many years of responsibility and independency, I felt like I lacked my childhood. I was a child who didn't depend on anyone but a child who had dependents. Almost every day I went straight home after school to work on homework and do chores. My classmates always asked me to go over to their house but I would always tell them I was busy. With education, I know I could become more knowledgeable and in the long run, I can find many more ways to help people because I don't want them to go through what I went through. When people came to me for problems, I always wished I had someone to turn to, to help me out but I didn't. Knowing I have the ability to help others creates a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. But I know with education, I can expand my knowledge, which in turn, leads to the expansion of my ability to help others.

Just a little something that might help:
I intend to study either in the sociology, psychology or communication field.