some1uknown
Nov 27, 2008
Undergraduate / "I will always have a desire to help others." - UC Prompt 2 [5]
My bad, this is the first prompt
My bad, this is the first prompt
some1uknown
Nov 27, 2008
Undergraduate / "I will always have a desire to help others." - UC Prompt 2 [5]
I just want to know how I can improve my essay
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
During my brief tenure as a child, I obeyed everything I was told and did everything without question. As I continued to grow, individuals in school and family broke my robotic attitude. I began to question the world around me and developed an urge to help others who worked hard. My desire to help others improve their social status has sparked my interest in politics.
My 10th grade teacher assigned reading Fahrenheit 451, a book reflecting a totalitarian society. During the reading, my teacher instilled the vision of the society and mocked the society's lack of independent thought. Disgusted, I refuse to allow such a government to control my world and began questioning the motives of politicians. As I began to question more and more, I began to form my own opinions and views. I started noticing many people in the working class who struggled, yet received little or no help. Unlike the book's society, I realized the government could help people struggling and help improve people's lives.
My father expanded my love for politics. Following traditional Chinese ideologies, he expected me to obey every command without question. Several ideas I disagreed with and refused to comply. Frustrated, my father attempted to punish me. I refused to obey because I perceived his actions as unjust. No longer would I subject to an action simply because I was ordered to, instead I would question the motive and determine what to do. Remembering how unfairly I was treated, I wanted to make sure no one else had to endure the same treatment. Entering politics would allow me to help remove discrimination.
As I continue to grow, I will always have a desire to help others. I hope to influence a newer younger generation to cherish their surrounding and help others in need of help. Entering in a University of California would be the first step in fulfill my desire.
I just want to know how I can improve my essay
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
During my brief tenure as a child, I obeyed everything I was told and did everything without question. As I continued to grow, individuals in school and family broke my robotic attitude. I began to question the world around me and developed an urge to help others who worked hard. My desire to help others improve their social status has sparked my interest in politics.
My 10th grade teacher assigned reading Fahrenheit 451, a book reflecting a totalitarian society. During the reading, my teacher instilled the vision of the society and mocked the society's lack of independent thought. Disgusted, I refuse to allow such a government to control my world and began questioning the motives of politicians. As I began to question more and more, I began to form my own opinions and views. I started noticing many people in the working class who struggled, yet received little or no help. Unlike the book's society, I realized the government could help people struggling and help improve people's lives.
My father expanded my love for politics. Following traditional Chinese ideologies, he expected me to obey every command without question. Several ideas I disagreed with and refused to comply. Frustrated, my father attempted to punish me. I refused to obey because I perceived his actions as unjust. No longer would I subject to an action simply because I was ordered to, instead I would question the motive and determine what to do. Remembering how unfairly I was treated, I wanted to make sure no one else had to endure the same treatment. Entering politics would allow me to help remove discrimination.
As I continue to grow, I will always have a desire to help others. I hope to influence a newer younger generation to cherish their surrounding and help others in need of help. Entering in a University of California would be the first step in fulfill my desire.
some1uknown
Nov 26, 2008
some1uknown
Nov 24, 2008
Undergraduate / "a spiritual change to impact others" - UC Prompt 2 [3]
I just like some feedback on how I can improve my essay.
Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
Growing up, I remember being able to purchase almost anything I wanted, wasting money on pointless materialistic items. One day, all that changed. As I walked in the door, my father stood waiting for everyone. He sat us down and delivered the big news, he had recently been laid off. Immediately, I was struck with fear. I could not imagine what would happen if my father never found a job again. This fear scared my personality.
My father's job lost compelled me to reflect on my life. I began to realized how my life was better than many other people in the same situation. I had caring parents and other family members willing to help me overcome this difficulty. I grew to appreciate my surrounding and environment. Thing I commonly ignored, I began to notice. Charities stood out, I understood people were less fortunate than I and could not begin to complain about my situation. I grew an appreciation for everything I had around me. I cherished the house I stayed in and the food I ate. This appreciation continued long after my father got another job. I gained a new perspective of my life.
Since then, I felt a desire to help people who were less fortunate, not only financially, but also medically. I donated money and participated in AIDS walk. I am planning to volunteer at a homeless shelter during Thanksgiving to help others who are in situations worse than mine. I decided to participate in these events, not for financial reason, but a moral obligation, to help others who are in terrible situations escape.
This moral obligation will continue to reside within me. I reflected on my previous lifestyle and became disgusted. Refusing to return to my former materialistic lifestyle, I have embraced a spiritual change to impact others. As I continue throughout life, I will always remember the moment my life changed.
I just like some feedback on how I can improve my essay.
Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
Growing up, I remember being able to purchase almost anything I wanted, wasting money on pointless materialistic items. One day, all that changed. As I walked in the door, my father stood waiting for everyone. He sat us down and delivered the big news, he had recently been laid off. Immediately, I was struck with fear. I could not imagine what would happen if my father never found a job again. This fear scared my personality.
My father's job lost compelled me to reflect on my life. I began to realized how my life was better than many other people in the same situation. I had caring parents and other family members willing to help me overcome this difficulty. I grew to appreciate my surrounding and environment. Thing I commonly ignored, I began to notice. Charities stood out, I understood people were less fortunate than I and could not begin to complain about my situation. I grew an appreciation for everything I had around me. I cherished the house I stayed in and the food I ate. This appreciation continued long after my father got another job. I gained a new perspective of my life.
Since then, I felt a desire to help people who were less fortunate, not only financially, but also medically. I donated money and participated in AIDS walk. I am planning to volunteer at a homeless shelter during Thanksgiving to help others who are in situations worse than mine. I decided to participate in these events, not for financial reason, but a moral obligation, to help others who are in terrible situations escape.
This moral obligation will continue to reside within me. I reflected on my previous lifestyle and became disgusted. Refusing to return to my former materialistic lifestyle, I have embraced a spiritual change to impact others. As I continue throughout life, I will always remember the moment my life changed.
