Undergraduate / 'without the companionship of my parents' - How my family background impacted goals [4]

BRIEFLY discuss how your family, school, neighborhood, and background have impacted your educational goals and aspirations. (MAX 250 WORDS)

I was raised in a family without the companionship of my parents. My father passed away when I was 12 years old. For the first 17 years of my life, I was looked after by my paternal relatives who received a monthly allowance from my mother who worked in Singapore. My relatives often ran into financial difficulty. In view of this, they grumbled that the money my mother provided was insufficient to pay for my daily expenses. Besides, the environment I lived in was surrounded by many disrespectful people. I was verbally abused by my relatives and this almost broke my heart. These depressing circumstances have motivated me to work assiduously for my future. I believe that education can bring someone to the top as it is the gateway to success. I have always dreamt of studying abroad as I believe that overseas education can well-prepare me for international challenges and competition. None of my family members has achieved this feat and therefore I want to elevate my family status.

I am fortunate that I have the chance to write this essay because I have secured a scholarship to the United States from the Malaysian government. I have been striving for the best, for my future and my family. Despite living in a broken family, that environment has never been an obstacle for me to pursue my dreams. I have confidence that the fruits of success can be tasted through my perseverance and never-give-up spirit.

(245 words)

Can someone help me read through my essay and comment on it...??

Undergraduate / 'the Malaysian national school system' - University of Colorado, Boulder [3]

Essay A (500 words maximum) The University of Colorado Boulder's Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching, research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We strive to foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in opportunities for academic excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in which we live. Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community and what are your hopes for your college experience?

If I were asked to describe myself, I would describe myself as an ordinary teenager who has individually made most of the decisions in my life, which include my major and University I wish to attend.

As a student who went through the Malaysian national school system, I played, studied, gained knowledge and fostered friendships with multiracial students. With my friends from diverse backgrounds, I have gained some exposure and understanding of Malaysian cultures. Hence, I believe I can enrich the already-diverse community of University of Colorado, Boulder by bringing my unique perspective of Malaysian cultures, which is a reflection of my understanding of the meaning of the dances, the taste of the food, the clothes and the festivals that Malaysians fervently celebrate, to an international level through group discussions and extracurricular activities.

During my high school years, I was unable to catch up with my studies due to my lack of language skills. Fortunately, spending time on reading and attending language courses helped to enhance my language skills. In hindsight, I realized that the best way to succeed is to be diligent and resolute in dealing with the barriers in breaking through another cultures of languages. Therefore, I hope with these qualities, I am able to contribute to the community in Boulder by sharing my personal experiences and giving the best help I feel I could to the people who share the same problems with me.

As a child from a single family, I have learnt to appreciate the opportunities to acquire knowledge in tertiary institution. College education is a gift I have received from the Ministry of Education and I believe it is a gift that opens up new worlds of opportunities. I am eager to learn from the knowledgeable professors who will be able to guide and equip me with their knowledge and experiences. I want to develop my capabilities in handling challenges and pressures as well as learn to see things from different perspectives. With diversified perspectives, they can expand my creative and critical thinking skills. Therefore, I wish to broaden my mind through my college education in Boulder.

Striking a balance in life is very important. A campus town which provides a wonderful environment to carry out my favorite outdoor activities such as roller blading, biking, hiking and camping is definitely one I look forward to attend. Instead of concentrating solely on studies throughout my college years, I hope I can learn to strike a balance between my academic performance and extracurricular activities involvement. With the right balance of them, I may live a wholesome living which brings me happiness in life.

I have great hopes for my college experience and I believe University of Colorado, Boulder can help me reach for my dreams. I am eager to contribute to the community in Colorado, Boulder. Thus, I really hope that I will be given the golden opportunity to receive the first-class education I dream about at the University of Colorado, Boulder.

(496 words)

Can anyone help me read through my essay and give me feedback about my essay...?? Thank you...