Undergraduate / 'Mr. Lundin, an unusual teacher' - UC Promt # 1 [8]

Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

There are people who come into our lives and leave an everlasting impression inside each of us; in my life, Mr. Lundin was the "one." I first met him on my first day of high school. When I stepped into my fifth period biology class, the first thing that I noticed was Mr. Lundin's large frame. I was frightened a little by the pungent atmosphere permeating through his class and also by his evil smirk, but his physical similarity to Santa Claus put me at ease a bit.

Mr. Lundin was different from my usual teachers in that he never looked tired and showed devotion for teaching. His passion was so great that his spit was all over the face of the students who sat in the first row. Even though his class was the most time-consuming and demanding, I was determined to continue and take his AP Biology class during my junior year. The course was more rigorous than I had expected, but Mr. Lundin and his passion for teaching remained the same. My interest in the subject never faded and turned into an aspiration as we went deeper into neurobiology.

Mr. Lundin was not only a humorous teacher but also a considerate one. I often went to his class during lunch to prepare myself for the AP exam. One day he asked me what my dream was, but not knowing what to say, I evaded the question. He looked at me for a while and said "Well you got to have a dream. When you grow old, you'll know that achieving a dream is worth more than earning money." That night, reflecting upon what Mr. Lundin said, I knew that I wanted to model my life after him.

Having a teacher like Mr. Lundin was truly inspirational. His dedication to his students along with his zeal for biology sparked my passion to become a biology teacher. Before I met him, the only reason why I studied hard at school was because I did not want to disappoint my parents and because I wanted to become a daughter who could live up to their expectations. Nevertheless, Mr. Lundin metamorphosed me from a girl who only dreamt of 'success' with no particular meaning in it to a person who now has a steady purpose and a firm determination. Providing me with a concrete basis of what I want to do in life, Mr. Lundin is not only a great teacher but also a mentor to me. Throughout my life I have chosen roads surfaced with asphalt that are easy and safe to travel out of pressure and fear. I am still standing on a cold and hard asphalt road, watching the reachable yet distant horizon. But, unlike what it was before, this path now has a destination.

Hello everyone! Thanks for reading my essay!
Can you guys tell me if my essay is good(answers the prompt and is on tract) or bad?
Also any grammar corrections/ revisions would be much appreciated!
Again, Thanks for reading and have a nice day :)

Undergraduate / 'An Unwelcome Routine' - personal quality/Common App [16]

PROMPT: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Immediately after school, I run as fast as I can. Luckily, I do not miss the bus, which usually arrives at 3:04. Breathing heavily, I get a seat in the back next to the window. The sun rays that penetrate the window expose various colors of light particles prismatically. Soon, the bus stops. I have arrived at my first destination. I exit the bus, press a button on a pole, and wait for the traffic light to change. Various thoughts come to my mind - 'How much homework do I have today?' 'How many hours can I sleep today?' 'How many tests do I have tomorrow?' While thinking of answers for these questions, I cross the street. It is 3:27; I'm waiting for the Orange Monster.

The Orange Monster, as I call it, is a metro bus that transports me from Glendale to my job in LA. The journey takes about an hour and a half. The bus arrives and engulfs me. Every day it goes along the same route at the same time with the same people. The shifting scenery seen through the window is constant too. The statistics homework problems that I do on the bus are the only things that change. It causes me grief that there is no alteration in my life.

When I get off of the bus at 4:24, fresh air welcomes me. I pass by the old buildings that give people waiting for the bus some shade. I finally arrive at work. By earning nine dollars an hour as a customer service worker I have learned how to handle my time efficiently to fulfill my personal objectives. I was not obsessed with time before I started working part-time six days a week. I was wasting countless hours on meaningless and empty tasks such as checking my Facebook and Twittering. Nevertheless, having a fixed schedule has taught me the value of time.

Every day I repeat the same routine: from home to school to work to home again. I leave at 6:30 A.M. and get back at 8:30 P.M. Through this repetitive fourteen-hour cycle, I have learned to manage my time effectively and have discovered to set my priorities to discipline myself to get things done on time. Time management has not only taught me how to be in control of my schedule but also to be in control of myself. Some of my friends say that I am suffering from "hurry sickness," trying to finish things as quickly as possible. They tell me to slow down and let things just flow. However, to me, time is worth more than gold; it is a force that motivates me to achieve high goals and to perfect myself. Even though my drive for time management hasn't always been smooth, the fact that I did not give up but continue to maintain this arduous routine makes me proud. As Carl Sandburg once said, "Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent".

Is my essay off topic?
I asked my teachers to revise it and one of them said it's off topic.
Well thank you for reading and please add comments about what you think!
Thanks!

P.S. are there any grammar mistakes or awkward sentences?