Undergraduate / I have earned more A's; About what I believe; Essay for Yale [9]

Any feedback you can give as to grammar and style, whether the topic is appropriate or not, or anything else really would be great

Question: You have already told us about yourself in the Common Application, with its list of activities, the Short Answer, and the Personal Essay. While we leave the topic of the second essay entirely up to you, try telling us something about yourself that you believe we cannot learn elsewhere in your application. Please limit yourself to fewer than 500 words.

Second Essay
When you look at my transcript, you will most likely notice the rather large discrepancy between my grades from freshman to senior year. In fact, I have earned more A's during this one semester of my senior year than I did during my first three years combined. While this gap reflects poorly on my efforts at the start of high school, I feel that it more importantly demonstrates my growth as a student, as well as an individual.

To be blunt, I did not work hard during my freshman and sophomore years. This was not due to a lack of interest in school, but rather because I simply did not want to put in the effort needed to earn the grades I was capable of. When I came home from school, I would watch TV and go on the internet instead of doing my homework. The future was far away, and I did not think about how my laziness I was hurting my chances of succeeding later.

My junior year started off similarly to the previous two years. However, at the interim grading period, I was shocked to find that I had a D- in statistics-I had never seen a D on a report card in my life. My parents were mad to say the least, but I was even angrier with myself. It was hard for me to believe that I had let myself slip so badly. There was not an overnight change in my grades, but there definitely was one in my work habits. From the day I got my report card, I began doing my homework immediately after I got home from school-the TV and computer stayed off until I finished. I no longer went for tests unprepared and I stopped putting off papers and projects until the last minute. By the end of the semester I had brought my statistics grade up to a B-, and managed to avoid getting a single C in any of my classes, a first for me in high school. I continued these habits through second semester as well, and ended up raising my class rank by over thirty.

This year, all the work I have put into improving my grades finally paid off. I earned A's in nearly all of my classes. I have finally learned how to balance work and pleasure. I know when I can spend time with friends and when I have to stay home and study; I know when to put down the remote and pick up my pencil.

I realize that I had a less than stellar start to high school, and that there are other students who have worked hard all four years instead of just two. However, my drive to succeed in life is now no less than any of theirs. When I arrive at college, I am not going to repeat the mistakes I made when entering high school; I am going to work to my potential from day one.

Undergraduate / Double-major in music / Political science major - Emory and Duke essays [2]

Emory prompt: Many students decide to apply to Emory based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons to choose Emory as a possible college choice, why is this university a particularly good match for you?

Response: Emory was the first university that I visited when I began my college search. There was no significant reason for this at the time, but the fact that it did happen to be first made it a point of comparison for me when I visited other colleges. However, even after all these other visitations, I have yet to find a college that meets my expectations as fully as Emory does.

Maybe visiting Emory first spoiled me. When I found out that double majoring in music and an academic area is possible at Emory, I figured it would be standard in the majority of other colleges. Yet I did not find any that offered this as a realistic possibilityïmost only allowed for a minor. The ability to do a double major is extremely important to me; I have played the violin for 14 years, and while I do not want to pursue it as a career, I would still like to get a degree in music.

I was also pleasantly surprised by how friendly the students at Emory were. When I visited the music department, a random student offered to give me a tour of the entire building. I imagined at the time that students at other colleges would be just as helpful. However, although all were friendly, none were as interested in helping out prospective students as much as those at Emory. All the students I met at Emory seemed to make the campus a truly enjoyable placeïone that I could see myself living at for four years.

By no means am I saying that other universities I visited were bad. On the contrary, I liked a good many of them, but Emory simply offered more. From the campus to the students to the dorms, Emory was simply a step above the rest.

Duke prompt: If you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? (Please limit your response to one to three paragraphs.)

Response: I am interested in pursuing a major in political science when I attend college, and Duke offers one of the most comprehensive and well-rounded courses available. I particularly like how the curriculum at Duke does not force its students into a certain field in political science, but rather offers courses on a broad range of topics, from American government to international relations. I feel that by studying all these facets of political science rather than focusing on just one, it is possible to truly understand how politics functions, from a local to an international scale.

I have played the violin for nearly fifteen years now, and though I do not want to make it my career, I would like to continue my studies through college and achieve a degree in music. Duke's music minor fits the type of program I am looking forïone that provides a solid musical education while allowing me to pursue a major in another field.

Any feedback you can provide would be great--thanks so much!

Undergraduate / "Ping pong is serious business" - common app essays [9]

Short answer: Ping pong is serious business for my friends and me. Nearly every week we get together at my house and duke it out with paddles for hours on end. There's no fun or joking around involved, we're completely, one-hundred percent focused on the game. I had quite the undefeated streak going for nearly two years, but sadly it ended a few months ago and I've not been able to find my groove again. I think part of the problem is that I need to work on my cardio and strengthen my finger muscles.

Personal essay: All throughout lower and middle school, I had never been to a summer camp. I preferred to stay at home, hanging out with friends and playing video games. I always felt glad I wasn't one of my friends who got hauled away by their parents for one or two weeks at a time to go to some camp. Some of them even had to miss the Fourth of July and all the great fireworks that we would blow up.

However, in the summer leading up to my freshman year of high school, I found myself in a pickle: Mimi Zweig, a world famous violin professor, told me that she would be willing to teach me if I attended her summer camp. Not only would she teach me during the camp, but she would be my private teacher during the rest of the year as well.

I wish I could say that this was an easy choice for me, that my desire to learn from such an incredible teacher easily outweighed my inclination to laze around over the summer. However, I found myself having a whole lot of difficulty with the decision. Not only was the camp an entire month long, but I would have to live at Indiana University for that month, hours away from my parents who had taken care of me for so long. I would have to do my own laundry, get up early in the morning without a parent yelling at me, play the violin over eight hours a day, and much more. Even worse, the Fourth of July was right in the middle of the camp, meaning I would miss one of my favorite holidays of the year.

Despite my misgivings and fears about attending a camp, I eventually realized that it would be foolish not to accept Mimi's offer. Although I knew I had made the right decision, I still spent the two weeks of summer break before camp wallowing in self pity about how my entire summer was shot. I was certain that I would have a lousy time, oversleep every day, not have a clue what I was supposed to do, and wish that I was back at home; I felt that I would have no idea how to take care of myself.

The arrival day of camp did nothing to help my outlook. During the opening talk in the dorm's lounge, I found myself surrounded by nearly a hundred kids who I did not know, listening to the head counselor talk about how challenging the camp was going to be and all the responsibilities we would have to take on. I went to bed feeling more lost than ever.

However, the first day didn't begin too horribly. To my utter amazement, I managed to wake up on time, and though I had no clue what building breakfast was in, I found someone else who had a map, and we managed to find our way. During breakfast I started meeting some of the other kids there, and after a few hours, I had to be careful that I didn't start having a little bit of fun.

Over the course of the first week, each of my prior worries about camp was allayed. I found that I was capable of getting up on time everyday by myself, and that the first day had not been a fluke. Doing laundry was not hard at all, despite what my mom would have me believe. Within days, I learned my way about campus, and had no trouble finding where I had to go. All the playing I had to do every day was not boring as I had feared, but exciting as I could easily hear how much and how quickly I was improving. I was incredibly nervous at my first lesson with Mimi, but I found that she was one of the nicest people I had met in my life. I found myself enjoying all the independence that I had previously feared. When it finally came time for me to pack up and return home in mid-July, I could not believe how fast the month had flown by.

That year I was not able to light Fourth of July fireworks as I always had. But when the day came, we all went to the football stadium to see the fireworks display. As I sat there watching the show, I realized that I had found my own independence that year.

Any advice you can give on either essay would be really helpful. No need to be nice or sugar coat anything, I need as straightforward feedback as I can get.